“But you did.” Ryder chuckles, though there’s not a shred of happiness behind it. Only sarcasm and, almost imperceptibly . . . jealousy? “We all did!” He looks out the driver’s-side window, his shoulders stiff as he shakes his head. “So now what? Is your plan to bury your head in the sand like a fucking ostrich and hide from it?” He whips his eyes to mine, fury igniting them. “Huh? Is that your fucking game plan, Cunningham? Got what ya wanted, didn’t like what you saw, and now you’re just gonna run from it?”
I take a deep breath, slowly letting it out in an effort to contain the growing anger his accusation triggered. “What I’m saying is I love her. I loved her last night, the day before that, and the month before that. I just got . . . Fuck, bro, I got lost in the moment the same way you and Amber did. My vision’s clearer today and I know what needs to be done, and allowing you two to be together again isn’t it.”
Another chuckle, this one as he sparks up a cigarette. “Ah, you see clearer today. Of course. Why the fuck didn’t I think about that?” He takes a long drag off his cancer stick, a grunt pushing from his mouth as the smoke skates through the car. “How does Amber feel about your epiphany? And do you even care what she thinks about it? ’Cause right about now, I’m thinking all you care about is that you couldn’t deal as you watched her and me—like you wanted to, mind ya—together. Couldn’t handle seeing her in my arms, wrapped around my dick. Couldn’t stand watching me bring her the same pleasure you do, if not more. In case you were curious, that’s what I’m thinking is the problem right now. You couldn’t give a fuck less how anyone else here feels because, let’s face it, you were the one calling the shots from the beginning. Kudos to you, man. You got your cake and ate the fuck out of it too.”
I’m about to strangle the air from his lungs.
Again, I suck in a deep breath, holding it in for a second as I try not to jump over the console to do just that. Sure, I might’ve been the one who initiated last night’s twisted events, but this asshole’s about to cross a fine line between being able to use his dick ever again or not. “First, I know how she feels about everything,” I answer through gritted teeth. “We talked about it on the way back from Atlantic City. Second, the hard truth is I mentally can’t do it again. Won’t do it again. I wasn’t strong enough last night to tell her no, that I wanted to stop everything in its tracks, nor was I this morning when she brought it up. And for that, I’m paying the goddamn price for it today! Probably will for the rest of my life!” Losing it, my fist connects with the dashboard, further damaging the same knuckles that left their stamp on my wall earlier. “Whatever the case, you’re not laying your fucking hands on her ever again! Do you understand me? Last night was the last time!”
“I’m guessing Amber wants to do it again?” he asks after a few, tense minutes, his brow arched as if to accentuate the question as he flicks his cigarette out the window. “And don’t forget, I told you this would be different than it was with Hailey. But, hey. You didn’t want to listen.”
“Yeah, she does wanna do it again,” I answer, my voice hoarse. “And yeah, I know what you said. But I don’t need you or anyone fucking reminding me of it either.”
“So how do you propose we tell her it’s over? Do we call her a bad girl and hit her with a rolled-up newspaper? Put her in a corner?” He thrusts his hands through his hair, an air of mockery surrounding him. “Perhaps I’ll just bounce out of the picture, playing the classic Ryder Ashcroft womanizing dick as I haul my ass down to the sunny beaches of Florida?”
I crack a smirk at his last proposition. No doubt it’d make things easier. Still, I wouldn’t know what to do without him. Having spent my entire childhood up until now with the asshole by my side, the man’s my only living brother. “I need you to tell her no if she asks about hanging out again. That you’re busy. Anything to deter the situation.”
“You really just want me to walk away from her, don’t you? Want me to act like nothing happened?” He picks his head up, his narrowed gaze filled with a slew of emotions I don’t like. “You want me to . . . break her heart.”
I clench my fists, the reality of his words causing my stomach to bottom out as I tear my glare away from his.
“Say it, asshole!” he thunders, his fist taking a shot at the dashboard this time around. “Say it! That’s what you want me to do! Break the girl’s heart, make her feel like trash because you thought it’d be cool to share her with another guy!”
Knowing he’s right, fully owning up to the fact that I’m the culprit of Amber’s mental destruction—hell, even his destruction—I break, desperation filling my voice as I bring my attention back to him. “Do you know what it’s like to care for someone, love them so much you’re willing to do anything for them, regardless of the outcome to yourself? Do you?”
“Yeah,” he says, his voice weary as he steps out of the Mustang. He slams the door, pokes his head through the window, his body taut with anger. “Yeah, bro. Thanks to you, now I do. I appreciate the lesson.” He straightens, lights another cigarette, and heads toward the football field as he calls over his shoulder, “I’ll help ya with what needs to be done with Derick, that I give you my word on. But just know I’ll never forgive you for making me do this to her.”