Prologue
The first time I shot up her**n, I was fourteen. We were on tour and I’d been partying with the band for the past few weeks, but they’d never given me any hard drugs. They said I was too young. To hell with that, I had thought as I grabbed the needle and asked what I needed to do. They had laughed for a few minutes, but they ended up showing me when I didn’t back down.
Drug addicts don’t forget.
The human body is incredible in the way it stores memories, the way it stores feelings. People who lose limbs often have phantom feelings in their extremities even though the limb is no longer present. Doctors can’t really explain it — I guess it’s just another one of those things we simply accept. You lose a hand… you’ll still feel pain even though it’s not there.
If you ask me, that’s pretty screwed up. I mean, how bad does it suck, that the one thing causing you pain is gone? Yet the pain remains?
The same thing happens with drugs. Even when you’re not on them anymore, you can still feel the effects of them. You still crave them. The most dangerous part about any drug isn’t the physical addiction, though some may argue that, it’s the mental dependency. Every damn thing could be going to hell in your life and your brain, amazing machine that it is, will choose that exact moment to remind you what it felt like to be high.
And all of a sudden, the craving appears out of nowhere. Your body flares to life, nerve-endings turn into live wires as blood pounds in your ears, your brain tells you, just this once, and the sick part is, you believe you have control over it.
But you don’t. I thought I could control it, and even then as I was clenching and unclenching my fists — my body was trying to persuade me that just one hit would do me some good, cause me to relax, all that shit.
Nat would kill me.
I’d been in therapy for weeks leading up to our wedding. What type of guy did that make me? That I’d actually needed therapy in order to be whole enough to marry the girl I loved?
Whatever. I’d go every day of my life if that meant I could be with her. I just hated when I felt weak. And I felt weak when my body craved drugs. I felt weak when it craved her. So basically any addiction made me feel like I was one step away from losing it.
Nat said I needed to learn how to let go.
Right.
If you looked up OCD in the dictionary my name would be next to the definition.
I breathed in and out for a few seconds as I waited at the end of the aisle. It felt like I was standing overlooking the edge of a cliff, and the minute I saw my future wife, I was going to freefall.
The music started.
Shit, I was seriously going to pass out.
People stood, Demetri nodded his head and patted me on the back.
And then I saw her.
It was like seeing her for the first time all over again. Memories of meeting her that first day of school had me grinning from ear to ear. The local girl, who didn’t even know who I was the first time she saw me, fell for me. And in return, gave me her heart for safekeeping. I ached to touch her as she walked slowly down the aisle. Her brown eyes met mine. And I lost it. Every single fear that I was holding on to snapped.
Forget drugs.
Forget needing to calm down.
I couldn’t stop my heart from beating out of my chest, and I didn’t want to. I just wanted to touch her, to tell her how pretty she was in her white dress. I wanted to promise her forever, I wanted to be her eternity.
Chapter One
Alec
The Day Before
“You ready?” Demetri ran down the stairs, stopped at the bottom. “You look like hell.”
“Thanks.” I swore and began to pace the floor. “Just give me a hint.”
Demetri grinned. “Nope, but it looks good.”
“Damn.”
He slapped me on the back. “Think of it this way, in less than twenty-four hours you get to see her in the dress and… you get to be the one to take her out of it.”
“Right.” I snorted. “Still not comfortable with you talking about Nat taking off her clothes, but points for trying to make me feel better.”
Demetri took his hands off me and smirked. “No worries. Alyssa and I will just be having our own little—”
“If you value your parts you won’t finish that sentence.” Alyssa bounded down the stairs. “I won’t be taking anything off, not until you put a ring on my finger, remember?”
“Conveniently forgot,” Demetri offered hopefully.
“Ring.” Alyssa held out her left hand. “Right here, and then you may play all you like.”
“Why did I agree to this again?” Demetri asked.
I laughed. “She wants to make sure you’re hers before you go on tour and have women throwing themselves at you.”
“This is true.” Demetri winked. “The women do love me.”
“Way ta make it better, bro.” I slapped him on the back and turned to Alyssa. “How’s it look?”
“Like a dream.” She sighed. “I swear, Nat just keeps getting prettier with this pregnancy. Kinda makes me want to slap her.”
“I know.” Warmth spread through my body. “She looks amazing.”
A throat cleared at the top of the stairs. Nat rolled her eyes and made her way down the stairs slowly, carefully, as per my instructions. I’d officially turned into the guy that wanted to take her to the ER over a cough, or an eyelash in her eye. The first two months of her pregnancy she had been violently ill, and now that she was on month three, she just looked — incredible. It was the only way to describe her.
She wasn’t really showing yet, her stomach looked as flat as ever, which again freaked me out. I’d even asked the doctor. He’d given me a look of pure hopelessness. Of course that was after I asked him for a sedative when he did a pelvic examine on my bride-to-be.
At any rate, he said it was normal for women to take up to four months to show with their first pregnancy. Was it weird that I was obsessing over the fact that she wasn’t gaining weight? I was going to sleep so much better at night when she was fat.
Something I also happened to tell her to her face.
That earned me the cold shoulder for an entire day.
“Babe?” Nat reached me and kissed my cheek. “You okay?”
“Perfect.” My lips found hers amidst Demetri’s gagging. Nat giggled and wrapped her arms around me.
“Twenty-four hours.” She sighed against my mouth. “And then I become Mrs. Daniels.”
“Mrs. Alec Daniels.” I growled, tugging at her lips with my teeth.
“If she wasn’t already pregnant, your proximity and kissing would have done it” Demetri laughed. “Now, seriously, go. It’s boy time.”
Nat fell into a pout. “Are you sure it’s a good idea?”
“Go.” I chuckled, pushing her away toward Alyssa. “I promise you’ll have fun. Go to the spa, hang out, have a girl’s day. We’ll see you at the rehearsal dinner and say our goodbyes before the bachelor party.”
“PARTY!” Demetri echoed bouncing up and down.
Alyssa rolled her eyes. “You party animal. Tell me, you guys having juice boxes or iced tea at the big event?”
“Hilarious,” Demetri sang. “And if you must know, I’m having bottled water. But I have every intention to get this one wasted.” He pointed to me. I shook my head ’no’ in Nat’s direction.
I was never as bad as Demetri with the addictions, didn’t mean I wanted to get drunk out of my mind the night before I was getting married. I’d have water, and most likely turn in by midnight, dreaming of holding Nat in my arms.
A horn honked from outside the beach house. We all jogged out, just as Jaymeson got out of the car and threw the keys at my face. “They wreck the car, I wreck your face.”
“Missed you too, bro.” Demetri nodded. “Really. My heart had a gaping hole that only my British stepbrother could fill. I even had tea every morning during your absence in hopes that I could drown my sorrows in—”
Jaymeson flipped him off and turned back toward me. “Whose idea was this to let them drive my car? Seriously, I’m trusting the girls with this car. If it comes back with as much as a scratch, if Nat sneezes on it, or Alyssa gets girl perfume anywhere near the seats—”
“Girl perfume?” Alyssa scowled. “Really? The man-slut doesn’t even know any perfume brands? Wouldn’t that help you with the ladies?”
He grinned. “Does it look like I need help with the ladies?”
“Your fly’s open.” Alyssa pointed.
He looked down just as she walked by and punched him in the shoulder. “Thanks for the loaner.”
“It’s not even open!” Jaymeson yelled.
Alyssa shrugged, and went over to the driver’s side.
“Be careful!” Demetri called after her. “That’s an Audi R8, as in, I don’t want to have to replace it.”
“We’ll be fine!” Alyssa waved him off as Nat got into the car with her, the engine revved, and then the car jolted forward.
“Holy shit.” Jaymeson swore. “They’re going to kill Roxanne.”
“It makes me sad that the only female name you actually remember is that of your car,” Demetri said.
“Agreed.” I laughed.
“Whatever.” Jaymeson waved us off and pointed at the girls. “You break it you buy it!”
“That’s what insurance is for!” Nat called out the window just as Alyssa peeled out of the driveway and made her way down to Highway 101.
“Whose idea was this in the first place?” Jaymeson asked. “Because I’m pretty sure I’m going to kill them.”
I pointed to Demetri just as he pointed to me.
“Fine, I get it. You wanted them to have a nice car since all your shit is back in LA. Still pissed you bastards tricked me into leaving it here in the first place.” Jaymeson threw up his hands.
Laughing, I slapped him on the back. “Does it really matter? The girls deserve a nice, fancy car to drive to the spa, and we only have the Jeep here. Just happened to work out that you’d left your newest treasure behind when you flew out to your last movie.”
Jaymeson’s eyes narrowed as if he didn’t trust a word dripping from my mouth. “Let’s just get the party started. So, what’s it gonna be, boys? Strip clubs? Dance party? Shots?”
Demetri and I grinned at one another leading Jaymeson to the jeep.
“Wait…” Jaymeson’s eyes narrowed. “Am I going to hate you guys even more after this?”
I didn’t answer. I jumped in and started the engine. “Just think of it as a bonding experience.”
“I don’t bond with men.” Jaymeson shrugged. “So there better be strippers or—”
“Animals.” Demetri slapped his back. “Lots of female animals, take your pick.”
“And when you say animals…” Jaymeson grinned knowingly. “You mean, like crazy girls who jump around and—”
“He means animals,” I clarified. “No reading into it. Just sit back and relax, England. What could possibly go wrong when you’re with me and Demetri?”