I'm poundin' on down the beach as fast as I can with me legs apumpin' and I hears somethin' comin' up behind me and I looks over me shoulder and it's one of the pirates and he's reachin' for me and I tries to run faster and I know I'm runnin' like a girl wi' me ankles flippin' out to the sides but I can't help it I can't help it and then he fetches me a blow to the back of me head and then I sees the sand comin' up t' me face and then I ain't seein' nothin'.
I wake up with me head throbbing and me hands tied behind me back. I'm lying next to a black keg and there are legs millin' all around me. LeFievre is standing next to me and is shouting something towards the beach. They are trying to parley their way out of this, I thinks through the fog in me head. I hear faint replies from down the beach.
Someone kicks me and I cry out.
"Alors—elle's'est réveillé. Emmène-la ici."
Someone catches me under me arms and I am lifted up. I see a rope has been strung over a low branch, and at the end of the rope, over the keg and hanging down, is a noose. I am put on the keg.
At last, I thinks as I'm stood up wi' me legs all shakin' on the keg. The noose is put over me head and the knot is run down and the rough and hairy rope is pulled up tight against me neck. At last.
LeFievre says something in French to one of the men, and the man goes to the other end of the rope and takes the slack out of it so it's pulled taut, and I'm up on me tiptoes and weavin' back and forth and I'm startin' to gag already and, Oh God, it's really going to happen to me I'm really going to—
"Captain!" I hear LeFievre say through my terror. "Step away from the boat and the girl will not die. All we want is the boat. Step away or she hangs."
I force me eyes open and sees our men lined up.
The Captain crosses his arms and shakes his head and says, "A boat for a mere ship's boy? Or girl, as you say. Surely that's not an even trade for one such as you, LeFievre. We all know our duty. She will do hers."
Then there's pops and shouts from the woods behind us. The Captain has sent men to circle around to take the pirates from behind! Hope springs—
I hear LeFievre curse and I sees Jaimy running towards me with a sword in his hand. Jaimy, oh...
That's the last thing I sees, 'cause LeFievre sees his plan gone wrong and turns to run, but before he does he gives the keg a kick and over it goes.
And finally ... for all me deceptions and all me lies and all me crimes ... finally...
I swings.
Chapter 43
Blackness
Velvet Blackness
Blackness without End Amen
But in the Velvet Blackness a Point of Light
Which Grows Larger
And Larger
And Becomes
the
Sun
And the sun is in me eyes and I'm chokin' and coughin' and Liam is pumpin' up and down on me ribs t' make me breathe and It hurts it hurts, Liam, please don't hurt me and Jaimy is beside me and he's slappin' me face. I'm gaspin' and me throat is burnin' and the noose is still around me neck but it ain't so tight no more ...Oh so tight so tight I can't... and so Jaimy stops the slappin' and just pets me head and cries, and I croaks out "Me hands, me hands," 'cause I can't move me hands and they hurt. Oh God, the choke ... the choking... they turn me over and cut the rope and turn me again, and I throws me arms around Jaimy's neck and bawls away all snortin' and gaggin' and...
"Aye, we thought you was goners there, Jacky, a fair jig you was dancin' at the end o' that rope wi' you all twistin' and turnin' and all," and I see that it's Davy talkin' but I can't make no sense..."And when you went all limp at the end and just hung there, I thought sure you was done..." and then it's Jaimy sayin', "I thought the life had gone out of me again..." and he's lookin' all pitiful and tears are runnin' down his face and I thinks, Whatcha cryin for, Jaimy, what... and all about me men are standin', and I put my face against Jaimy's neck and say, "Pick me up, Jaimy..." and I'm tryin' to hold me mind together but I can't ... Pick me up, Jaimy, and carry me, carry me away from this place, Jaimy, I want to show you my camp, and what's this on me neck, "Oh God, get it off, get it off," and it's Liam what takes it off and I'm breathin' better for it. I feels myself picked up and... It's not far, Jaimy, it's right over there. I know you'll like it. You'll like the pool, Jaimy, and the hammock and my wonderful tree, and Davy, you'll love me swing. "Captain, would you care for some chowder it's really quite good..."
"Please don't mind her, Sir, she's off her mind."
Everyone come and have some, but please don't eat the turtles... and I points the way. I kiss the salty tears away from Jaimy's cheek but they keep on comin' and I rub my face on his and mix his tears and my tears together, and I say, "Don't cry, Jaimy, it's all right now, you'll see, we'll swim in the pool together and dry off on the rocks together and lie in the hammock together and be together forever and ever and ever and..."
Chapter 44
Well, we ain't together for ever and ever. In fact, we're never together on this ship again, at least not the way we were, at least not now.
I was hardly back in my camp at all when I was taken away from Jaimy and put into the boat and they don't let Jaimy come back with me, or even Davy. Liam is on the boat, though, and they let me cling to him for the five hours it takes to get back across the open sea to the island. We pull up next to the careened Dolphin and I'm taken to sick bay, which is still set up in tents on the beach, and slimy stuff is put on my throat to heal the rope burn. I'm still talking out of my head some, so they give me a bit of the sweet liquid and that shuts me up and I'm out for a day or so. When I awake, I'm quiet in my mind, well, almost—I still have the nightmares and wake up screaming—but my neck is getting better.
None of the men or boys are allowed near me—for my own protection, I am told. There's a Marine guard at the foot of my bed. Tink is in a bed across the way, but he is forbidden to talk to me so is not much company. He is getting better, though, which is good to hear. He will soon be out of bed. The Master, Mr. Greenshaw, is stumbling around getting used to his crutch. The stump of his leg hangs down with his pant leg neatly pinned up around it, but he is philosophical about it. He will get on with his life, he announces; he will still be a sailing Master. The rest of the men wounded in the sea battle with the pirates, except for those who died before the Dolphin limped to the island, recovered. None of ours were hurt in the final battle on the beach, cept maybe me.
Mr. Lawrence comes to sit with me for a bit and he tells me that the boat is making daily runs back and forth to my beach and hauling back fine lengths of good lumber. Looks like a right sawmill back there. The wood is immediately applied to the Dolphin when it arrives here. The hammers pound constantly.
He also tells me that Jaimy has been made Midshipman. The news fills my chest with happiness and I weep for joy. I wish only that we could be together to celebrate.
The Doctor examines me, which I don't like overmuch, and declares me fit enough to be taken to the ship and tossed in the brig. For my own protection. I get out of bed to follow my Marine escort, but before leaving the tent I dash over to Tink and plants a kiss on his forehead. He blushes mightily and the guard says, "'Ere, 'ere!" sternly, but I don't care as much for their rules as once I did.
When I get to the ship I protest that as Midshipman Faber I should be allowed a midshipman's berth, but Mr. Haywood will have none of it, and he is in command when the Captain is gone, so that is that. He actually laughs when I make the request, a strange sound I'd never before heard, and he says, "Midshipwench Faber, I'll be damned." Some joke. The brig is not locked but the Marine stands outside, and he goes everywhere with me. I'm allowed to go topside during the day, but it's into the brig at night and the brig is locked then.
There are not many people left on the ship, as the list takes some real getting used to. Most stay on the beach and are actively engaged in either working or avoiding work. The only ones on board are the First Mate, Deacon Dunne and a few of his clerks, and a few Marines to guard the stores. And to guard me. I see the boat running back and forth carrying long planks of wood. Probably from my poor tree. I'm not getting much information on what's going on, but I do know they're keeping Jaimy over there on the mainland. I can guess why. I hope he gets to use my hammock. I like thinking of him in it.
With my red-coated escort in tow, I went down to my hidey-hole and got my dresses and other things, and I pass my days sitting on the quarterdeck sewing and playing my pennywhistie, which someone, probably Liam, found in my camp and sent over to me, and I spend my nights in reading and thought. I've given up planning, until I see which way the wind blows.
I have resolved that each morning when I wake up from now on, I will take three long breaths and think about each of them as I draw them in and let them out, and I will remember that time at the end of that rope when I could not draw such breaths. And then I will look at the blue veins in my wrists and will know that my blood is running through them, and for that I will be grateful. Amen.
The nightmares don't come every night now.
This day I get information.
During the morning I was doing my usual things and working on cracking the Marine's reserve. Actually, there're three Marines assigned to keep me from wreaking moral havoc on the crew. All three are young and good looking, quite splendid in their uniforms of scarlet and white with clay buttons and high collars and tight white breeches. They are not allowed to talk to me, but I talk to them as I sit and sew on the quarterdeck hatch and look out over the beach and try to figure out what is happening from all the fuss and scurrying about. "And I'm sure you have a young lass awaiting you at home, don't you, Johnny? Did she cry on the dock when you marched aboard? I know she did, Johnny, you're such a fine-looking lad, I know she did, and she couldn't stop, could she? She just kept on cryin' and cryin', I know, and it fair broke your heart to hear it. Here, let me play 'My Bonnie Light Horseman' for you, Johnny, because it's about a soldier just like you. It's ever so sad and beautiful..."
He still doesn't say anything when I'm finished, but I notice the tip of his bayonet shaking a bit and he's biting his lip. Soon, Johnny, soon...
There's Davy! The boat must be back over here! I go to the rail and call out and wave, but he just keeps going. He does wave, however, and taps his fist on his tattoo and points to the guard at the foot of the gangway leading up to the ship. I guess I'll have to wait.
"'Ere, 'ere, Miss Faber, you must come away from there! It's orders!"
Ah, so Johnny can talk.
I have not been put into female clothing yet, since they don't have any such thing aboard and they don't know about my two dresses, and they wouldn't let me wear the Kingston dress, anyway. I don't want them to know about my blue dress till I'm ready. Besides, I'm not likely to drive any of the men aboard mad with desire, so I'm told to just wear my ship's boy uniform in a modest manner and be good and don't flounce around.
What I do is get my Marine to take me to ship's store and I get a midshipman's black neckerchief, which I put right on. With my white shirt it looks quite dashing. I can't do anything about the rest of a middies uniform, the black pants and black jacket, but they'll get the idea. I get a sea chest, too, and my first hairbrush. Deacon Dunne charges the items against my name and promises to come see me later in the day to continue my spiritual instruction. Praise be.