When Jeremy opened his arms, she didn’t hesitate at all.
“It’s going to be okay, Saffi. I’m here now.” His lips touched her hair as she sobbed in his arms. “I’m not going to let anyone hurt you again.”
Chapter Twelve
@staffan_aehrenthal, Twitter:
It’s true. I’m taking a break after my US tour. And yes, it’s also true. I’m taken.
Just two concerts left, Staffan told himself over three weeks later. Two more concerts left and the US leg of his tour would finally end and he would be free to go to Saffi and beg her to take him back.
His chest hurt. It always did every time he thought of Saffi in any way, the things he used to say or do to hurt her now shredding his own heart.
A quiet knock sounded on his door before Bob walked in. The other man had resigned on the night Saffi left, but he had given in to Staffan’s quiet request to continue working for him when Staffan admitted that he had f**ked up with Saffi and intended to have her back.
Staffan’s smile twisted, remembering how Bob told him in angry disgust the way Saffi had pleaded to let her in and asked him with heartbreaking hope if he thought she and Staffan were “special” together.
God.
Special was such a weak word to describe the kind of girl Saffi was. There was no one in the world like her, and he would not stop at nothing to have a chance with her again.
“The gym’s ready,” Bob said.
“Thanks, Bob.” Nowadays, he worked out three times a day, not just to stay physically fit but also to keep himself from going insane at missing Saffi. Thoughts of Saffi, of how she was doing and if she would ever forgive him, kept him awake. But because he knew the people who paid to watch his concert deserved more from him, Staffan decided to use heavy workouts to literally knock him out in exhaustion. It was that or take medications, but he didn’t want to risk doing something like Spears on Valium on stage.
The gym was completely empty by the time the elevator took him from the penthouse to the tenth floor. He nodded at Bob, and the other man immediately left him alone. He would stand outside to ensure that no one would interrupt while Staffan was inside.
Staffan set his iPad on the stand while he configured the treadmill to an 8.0 speed for a brisk walk. As he started to warm up, he unlocked his iPad, which then took him immediately to Saffi’s Facebook page. He refreshed it, but nothing new came up. It had been inactive ever since Saffi left him, and it was the same thing with all her online accounts.
Could she have figured out that he knew H and Saffi were one and the same? Or was there a worse reason for this painfully empty silence? Every fiber of his being screamed at him to go after her, and goddammit he wanted to. He hadn’t f**king wanted anything so badly in his life.
But a part of him remembered her words not so long ago.
“I’ve decided to let you know that I am your greatest treasure, Staffan,” she had told him impishly that one night when he had given her the treasure chest and she so wanted to give him a gift in return.
The impish smile had entranced him so much he had started taking off her clothes as he teased, “Really?”
She giggled while trying to dodge his hands, which had already managed to unbutton half of his shirt off her. “Yup. Because I’m not just your G. I’m a half-breed.”
He had raised a brow at that. “A half-breed?”
“Yes, because I’m also one of your fangirls! And we fangirls always believe in you, always want you, always love you. So I don’t mind if you do stuff for fangirls. Just one small thing from you is a huge thing for us.” She paused, her worried eyes suddenly seeking him. “But just no kissing stuff, okay?”
The memory sharpened the pain of loss inside him, honing it like the finest blade as it reminded Staffan how much he had lost the moment he pushed Saffi away.
He closed the iPad and started to run. In his mind, he was running towards her, but she was always too far, always out of his reach.
Saffi, Saffi, please, baby, please take me back.
~~~
“You’re d-daydreaming again,” Mary told Saffi, startling the other girl. It was nine in the morning, and as Saturday mornings went, the library was blessedly empty and quiet, with only a bare handful of students turning in. She and Saffi loved going to the university library at times like this – or at least they used to. Now, Mary couldn’t help but think that Saffi might be feeling bored.
Mary gazed at her mentor in concern. Saffi was normally very bubbly, something that had surprised her at the start since the other girl looked so feminine – so like Mary, actually. But whereas Mary was really shy and soft-spoken---mostly because she had a tendency to stammer when she was nervous---Saffi was quirky and fun once she was with people she was completely at ease with.
But Saffi had changed, ever since she came back from Staffan Aehrenthal’s concert. In the past, Saffi used to have stars in her eyes every time she had something new to talk about her number one celebrity crush.
Saffi straightened in her seat, blinking at Mary’s soft and bemused tone. She couldn’t believe she had fallen asleep in the middle of tutoring Mary. And it happened to be about the most recently discovered fish species – another member of the Cyprinidae family, this time found in the streams of Turkey. Researching about new fish species was one of her favorite subjects in the world so Saffi herself had no idea how she could have fallen asleep just like that.
“Are you okay, Saffi?”
Saffi nodded. “I’m just…worried about my thesis---” She stopped when she heard Mary let out an uncharacteristic snort. Saffi smiled in spite of herself. “Did I just hear my super ladylike---”
“Here,” Mary said, smiling back, relieved to see Saffi happy again, “I’ll do it again if you like.” And so she snorted another time.
Saffi’s laughter had always been musical, unlike any other sound Mary had heard really. Perhaps what made it special was Saffi’s genuine love for life, her unique ability to seize every moment and turn it into something magical. But now Saffi’s beautiful laughter was tinged with melancholy.
“Oh, Mary.” Saffi didn’t know if she wanted to laugh some more or start to cry. She felt like she was going to burst if she didn’t talk to someone and just get everything off her chest. “I’m scared.”
“If it’s anything I can help you with, I will.”
Saffi forced the words out. “I think…I think I’m pregnant.”