And then everything came out.
The talk helped Saffi a lot, enough to help clear her thoughts and do what she was supposed to do. She took out her phone. “Jeremy?”
“It’s a wonderful surprise to hear your voice, Saffi.”
The gentleness of Jeremy’s voice almost undid her. “Jeremy,” she whispered again. “We have to talk. Please come over today?”
“Of course.” The swiftness and firmness of his reply slightly eased the pain inside her. “I’m on my way now.”
“Thanks.”
“Anything for you, Saffi.”
After ending the call, she brought her hand to her chest and kept it there, using it to calm her suddenly racing heartbeat. What she was about to do might be irrevocable, but she had to be strong. She wasn’t going to be a fool the second time and make the same mistakes she did.
This time she was going to be strong on her own, without needing anyone’s help.
This time, she had finally grown up.
~~~
Leaving the sounds of adulation behind him without a backward glance, Staffan nodded his thanks at Bob as the other man opened the door for him. His tour was finally over, giving him the long-anticipated opportunity to go after Saffi.
Cold sweat bathed Staffan at the thought. Would she still take him back? The days that had separated them had been the severest agony, with every idle second spent torturing himself with thoughts of Saffi falling in love with the first nice guy she met back in university. Those guys, with their f**king PhDs, would no doubt treat her like the princess she was. And she would fall in love with one of them, how could she not when she only had his cruel and heartless ways to compare to?
His heart flinched inside him at the thought of Saffi even holding another man’s hands. God.If just the thought of Saffi in another man’s company hurt, how much worse had it been for Saffi, with all those times he had forced her away?
Staffan’s phone rang, Carson’s name flashing on the screen. The other man had felt responsible for what happened between Staffan and Saffi even though Staffan knew it was his own fault all along. No one had twisted his arm to act like a bastard with Saffi. That had been him and only him all along.
“Hey.” Alan felt even more awkward these days whenever he had to speak with Staffan. He could see how staying apart from Saffi had taken its toll on the once invincible-looking rockstar. This wasn’t like how he had been when the Cougar had left. Then Staffan had simply been in a violent rage every day. But now…Staffan only came alive in front of his fans and after that, he simply lived for any news he could get of Saffi.
The first time he had talked to Staffan, after a short uncomfortable phone call with Saffi, telling the other man that Saffi had been treated in the hospital for two broken ribs---Alan could still remember the way Staffan’s eyes had burned bright at the news, as if Alan’s words had given him permission to…breathe.
“Do you have news of Saffi?” Staffan asked, his chest tightening in fear and anticipation of whatever Carson was about to say.
“Uhh, yes. You see, lately she hasn’t been going to classes---” He stopped, feeling like he had somehow twisted a knife in Staffan so Alan backtracked quickly, saying, “Anyway, I have it in good authority that Saffi will be in uni tomorrow for another meeting with the first-year student she’s mentoring.”
Saffi hadn’t been attending her classes---because of him. It was yet another sin laid on his soul. Could he ever f**king make it up to her? Staffan vividly remembered how she excitedly posted photos of one fish after another in her Instagram account, and each f**king fish didn’t have just a name – she even knew its family history, practically able to trace its genealogy to three generations back. If that didn’t spell passion for what she was doing, nothing else would.
And Staffan had been the one to take it all away from her.
He forced his attention back to Carson, who was now telling him about a potential ally in a girl named Mary. “Thank you for the information, Carson. It’s extremely helpful.” The college Saffi attended wasn’t just exclusive, but it was also famously tight-lipped, with even his most expert detectives unable to extract any kind of information about Saffi’s academic schedule.
“So that’s it then.” Alan cleared his throat. “I’m really sorry about what happened---”
“It’s not your fault. I was the one who f**ked up.”
Alan said heavily, “Good luck.”
“Thank you.”
After the call, Staffan reached for his iPad and checked her Facebook page again, out of habit and out of desperation. But this time what he saw made him cold with fear.
No.
He clicked the refresh icon again, hoping it was a glitch. But it wasn’t. He checked her other accounts and they were the same.
Deactivated.
It was like Saffi cutting him completely from her life forever. The iPad fell to the floor with a heavy thud as Staffan became numb with terror, realizing that this was how the rest of his life would feel if he didn’t have her back.
Saffi. I’m so goddamn sorry, Saffi.
Chapter Thirteen
@YannaEverleigh, Twitter:
@staffan_aehrenthal is in luuuuuuuuuurv.
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@ConstantijinKastein, Twitter:
@YannaEverleigh I will try not to let him kill you, schat.
@staffan_aehrenthal, Twitter:
@YannaEverleigh @ConstantijinKastein Too late.
“Are you excited about tonight’s fundraiser?” Mary asked her mentor and she put the last of her books back inside her bag. Today’s brainstorming session had proceeded much more smoothly than the last one, although she was more relieved for Saffi’s sake than hers. She had hated seeing the other girl so despondent. Thankfully, Saffi appeared a lot better now even though she was still painfully thin.
“Yup.” Saffi uttered the lie without even blinking. She even managed a grin, knowing how the younger girl worried about her. Everyone was worrying about her. She hated herself for it, but somehow she couldn’t do anything about it either.
When she realized Mary already had all her books cleared out, Staffi stood up quickly and froze right after, the world spinning around her. God. She felt so weak these days.
Mary saw Saffi actually sway as she got to her feet. “Are you okay?”
Saffi made a dismissive gesture with her hand. “Don’t mind me. You know how clumsy I am. I just lost my balance for a sec.”
Mary stood by the door, trying not to be so obvious with the way she gave Saffi a closer look while the other girl began putting back her own books in her satchel-styled bag. Sadness usually made people look ugly, but somehow it just enhanced Saffi’s beauty, making her appear frail and ethereal with the way her big blue eyes now seemed so much bigger and her cheeks more defined. Was Saffi aware of how she was driving every guy in school crazy crushing after her? In fact, the more Saffi ignored them, the more the guys seemed to want her.