His nearness, his touch, his promise of fidelity—it stirred my arousal, begging me to give in. But it also tugged at something much deeper, something both familiar and unknown, something I couldn’t name or identify, and I knew if I tried, it—whatever it was—would come rushing up and consume me.
I scrambled off the bed. “I can’t think about this anymore right now.” I began gathering my clothing.
“Why are you panicking?” Hudson stood as well.
I turned to him, suddenly angry—with him, with myself, with my stupid compulsion to cling and drive people away, with my parents for dying and pushing me into that behavior. “You know, it’s all very good and fine for you to say you want a committed sexual relationship. You’ll have no problem remaining unemotionally involved—that’s your default. It’s not my default. Don’t you see what you’re asking of me might be impossible for me to deliver?” I rubbed at my eyes, hoping to stop any tears before they dared to fall.
Hudson reached toward me, but I stepped away. “The more we have sex, Hudson, the more I’m likely to latch on, and even if you were into that, you wouldn’t be into the level that I latch. So, trust me when I say this has bad idea written all over it. Let’s call this a wonderful—oh, my god, such a wonderful evening—and now we need to move on.”
His mouth tightened into a straight line. “If that’s what you need.”
“I do.” I hugged myself, embarrassed by my outburst. “And I need a shower. Do you mind?”
“Not at all. In there.” He gestured toward the bathroom. “I’ll bring you some towels.”
He sounded distant, and I immediately regretted pushing him there. Already I missed the warmth of him.
In the bathroom, I threw my clothes on the black granite counter and avoided looking in the mirror, not liking who I’d see staring back at me. I turned the shower on extra hot, hoping the heat would relieve the chill that had settled on me, and climbed under the heavy spray.
In there, alone, water and steam embracing me, the tears came freely. I cried soundlessly, surrendering to the hollow loneliness that I had grown accustomed to before Hudson arrived to show me something new.
Absorbed in my self-pity, I didn’t hear him enter the bathroom with the towels, and when he opened the shower door and slid in to join me, instead of cursing his obvious lack of respect for my wishes to withdraw from him, I abandoned myself and pressed my lips to his.
He responded without hesitation, kissing me with gentle aggression. When I pulled away to catch my breath, he reached for the bottle of body wash and poured a small dollop onto his hand. Then he began to wash me. He took his time, running his soapy hands over every inch of my body. At my br**sts he lingered longer, squeezing and caressing them both, flicking across my ni**les with his thumbs. I sighed into the pleasure.
When he’d thoroughly cleaned the top half of me, he bent to wash my legs, starting with my feet and moving up my long limbs. He moved so slowly, so sensually, massaging the suds into my skin, that by the time his fingers slid through the folds at the base of my belly, I was ready to beg. His thumbs brushed past my cl*t and I moaned.
He swept through my folds over and over, and I jerked at each teasing pass. “Hudson,” I said, my teeth gritted, my pu**y clenching with need.
“Is this what you want?” He thrust two fingers inside me, twisting them.
“Yes!” I gasped. “I mean, no. I want you.”
His grin was wicked as he continued to grind into me with his fingers. “You’ll have to wait. I’m enjoying making you wait.”
I wanted to argue, but he added a third finger to his probe and gently squeezed my cl*t and speech became impossible. I moaned as I rocked back and forth, digging my nails into Hudson’s broad shoulders.
Just when I’d reached the brink of orgasm, his fingers left my body. I opened my eyes and found him standing in front of me, holding the bottle of body wash. “I need to be washed too.”
My body ached with yearning, but I was eager to explore him. I hadn’t even fully taken in his na**d body, having been too distracted in the bedroom and now in the shower. Lathering my hands up, I began as he had, at his shoulders, but I was too greedy to move slowly. Soon, I’d cleansed all but his cock. I stared at his giant erection, fascinated by its length and girth. He’d felt big, but I had no idea he was that big.
I swallowed. Hard.
“What’s the matter, precious?” I sensed he was smiling, unable to move my eyes from the sight in front of me.
“Um, wow,” I managed. “I’m a little intimidated.”
“But it’s already been inside you. You know it fits.” His voice grew ragged. “Touch it, Alayna.”
His command stirred me to movement. I circled my hands around his shaft and stroked his hot silky skin. He felt so firm, so powerful, so perfect. I moved my fist up and down, once, twice, and the third time, he leapt in my hands.
At the next stroke, he growled and hoisted me up, encouraging me to wrap my legs around him. He pressed my back against the tile wall, his mouth ravaging mine, and in one fierce thrust, he was inside me. I tangled my hands in his hair as he rammed into me, feeling every inch of his c**k filling me and f**king me.
I cried as my orgasm shook through me, the tremors of it spreading all the way to my toes. Hudson quickened his pace, clutching tighter to my h*ps so he could pump through my sex as it spasmed around his steel shaft. Several strokes later he released with his own cry, his c**k jerking inside me as he spurted hotly into my sex.
In that moment, I let myself believe we could be together like that, how he wanted, without becoming consumed, even though I was afraid that I already was.
Chapter Ten
Anxious for our shopping adventure, I decided to wait for Hudson in front of my building. I’d expected Jordan and the Maybach, so I was surprised when Hudson pulled up driving a Mercedes SL Roadster.
I slipped into the passenger seat. “Nice wheels.”
His lips curled up into a sexy grin as he eased the car out into traffic. “Glad you approve.”
I didn’t know where to look first—at the luxury sports car or at Hudson in his tight dark blue jeans and fitted maroon button down shirt. I hadn’t seen him in casual wear, and, as good as he looked in his suits, this new look had my tummy fluttering.
Well, Hudson in general made my tummy flutter.
“So you drove yourself?” Normally, I’m not much into small talk, but the sexual undertone between us needed silencing. Especially because another morning of constantly questioning the healthiness of my Hudson relationship had led me to decide the day needed to be sex free. I needed to counteract any attachment with distance. Hopefully, I wouldn’t chicken out when it came to telling him.