“Rotten, Emma. Simply rotten.” Gabriel winked. “Again, it’s my fault obviously. I like doing it so much. How can I really complain?”
While his statements were delivered in a lighthearted fashion, I couldn’t help but feel a sting of criticism. I didn’t want to be a brat sub. Gretchen used to complain long and loud over them. They manipulated scenes for attention. They were purposely willful and disobedient. They reflected poorly on their doms. According to her, they were the worst.
Surely Gabriel would feel the same?
“Yes, but why do it if it’s going to make it harder for me to transition into your world? Eventually you’ll use it against me because eventually I’ll get on your nerves and then you’ll see me as a brat sub.”
Gabriel’s brows arched in surprise. “You’re too sweet, reasonable, and straight forward to be a bratty sub, Emma. I don’t fear that from you at all.”
“Yes, but it’d be easier—”
He quickly kissed me silent. “Ssh, ssh, Emma. Calm down, baby. You don’t have to worry about it so much.”
“But I do, Gabriel! I have to know what’s expected of me. I have to know what I’m supposed to do—”
He kissed me again. His sensuous lips served as an effective gag. “You have to know what you’re supposed to do so you can do it well. I realize that is important to you and it is to me—to a degree.” His shook his head with a rueful grin. “The difference between us is that I know I don’t need to solve all our problems right now.” He leaned close and whispered, “Have mercy on your brain, Emma, before you blow a fuse.”
I snorted and gazed upward. “Am I that obvious?”
“I can’t help but see the smoke coming out of your ears, baby. I’m afraid your brilliant brain is going to turn into mush because of it.”
My smile lasted a fleeting moment. Vulnerability still held me entirely too close.
“I’m sorry I’m making things so difficult for us. I want this, Gabriel, I do. It’s just that this confuses me until I don’t know which way is up. I don’t know exactly what I’m supposed to do and I hate that.”
I sounded petulant and whiny. My embarrassment couldn’t get any worse.
“Ssh, sweet girl. You’re doing just fine. Don’t forget we’re still learning our way around each other. You still love me, right?”
My body jellied, molding against his. “I love you so much, Gabriel. Do you still love me?”
“More than anything.” He stroked my arm. His touch soothed me, calming me easier than words could have. We stayed that way for many minutes before he cheerfully said, “Now about that spanking...”
NINE
I stiffened, losing my pliancy with that half-formed sentence. Gabriel easily picked me up and carried me over to his couch. I summoned all my dignity and pointed out “I really don’t think this is necessary.”
“And I do. In fact, I know you need it more than ever. Trust me, Emma.” He sat down and once more arranged me on his lap, this time facedown. I didn’t fight him, but I tried one more time to convince Gabriel that he was mistaken.
“I know it probably doesn’t seem like it, but I really didn’t have a bad day. I just wanted to say hello. I’ve already interrupted your work and I’m sure your assistant will be back at any moment. So how about we do this another time? I imagine it’s really not the right setting for it.” I looked back at him over my shoulder. “I mean, not that I’d really know about it. What I’m saying is I can only imagine. I already said that, didn’t I? Of course, I did…um, so…we can do this later, right?”
Gabriel listened to my nervous chatter with a bemused expression. “Since you’re so concerned about Rick, let me put your mind at rest. Rick will not re-enter this room until I specifically give him leave to. So relax, Emma. It’s just us.”
Any veneer of submission burned off as jealousy surged. I placed my hand on his knee and pushed up. “Why won’t he come in? Is he already used to your routine, Gabriel?” My words rolled off my tongue, scorching. “What am I asking for? Of course, he is. A woman comes in and it’s obvious why she’s there. I’m sure Embry made herself quite comfortable on this very couch.”
Was it a low blow to bring up Embry? Absolutely. Was I being judgmental and unfair? Absolutely. Did I care? Absolutely not. I wanted to avoid the weakness of my thoughts and jealousy gave me a new target.
If I was jealous, then I wasn’t scared. And if I wasn’t scared then I appeared confident and in charge of myself.
It was an incredibly foolish stance to take.
“You’ve definitely lost your ice cream privilege.” Gabriel’s perfect mouth turned in a frown. He lowered his lids, effectively hiding his gaze from mine. “In case you haven’t noticed, Emma, I’m running a fairly large business here. Do you think I’m the kind of man that has nothing better to do with his time than to have sex with women in his office?”
His question was not rhetorical. I didn’t trust myself to answer it directly. Gabriel was so comfortable playing with me—who’s to say he hadn’t had quite a few women here before me, including his tragic ex?
I claimed to have pushed Gabriel’s past aside, but it was painfully obvious it was still a sore spot with me.
And yes, I was being a jealous cow. And no, I still didn’t think I was being reasonable. And yes, being angry felt good in comparison to being enlightened for too brief of a time, for feeling inept and stupid and…
And unsure about everything. Of fearing that I couldn’t do this right. That I was bound to muck it up just like I’d already done in this room.
“Emma, I’m still waiting.”
“Answer my question, Gabriel, and then I’ll answer yours.”
“You will answer mine now, Emma.”
“I asked you first, Gabriel.”
“And I asked you last, Emma.”
Neither of us showed any signs of budging. Finally, I crossed my arms. I didn’t come to fight. It wasn’t his fault that I had a tendency to over-think things. Nor was it his fault that I hit the roof with little to no provocation.
“No, you don’t.”
“And?” Gabriel prompted with a trailing lilt.
“And I’m sorry for insinuating that you…had sex…with others here.”
“And?”
“And nothing.”
“Yes, something.”
“And you better spank me now before I get into more trouble.”
Gabriel tried to hold onto his thunderous frown. He failed. His pleasant expression made his next words even more menacing than they’d be otherwise. “I’m going to spank the piss out of you, Emma.”
“I’d rather you didn’t.”
“Too bad.”
“I’m sorry about what I said.”
“You will be.”
“I don’t really think you use your office as a bedroom.”
“You’re damned right I am not the kind of man who sleeps with women in this office. I probably won’t even sleep with you here until you become my official muse.”
“I like where—”
“Yes, yes. You like where you work. It’s rather repetitive, Emma.” Gabriel pushed me down over his lap. “I originally was going to give you a spanking to help you feel better. Now I’m going to give you one because you deserve it.”
It’s because of what I said, what my spiteful words accused him of. Maybe I did deserve it. Gabriel apparently believed so.
“I’d say you deserve this, don’t you?”
I closed my eyes and nodded. Gabriel instantly smacked me high on my right thigh. Hellfire burned.
“Answer with your words, Emma.”
“Yes!” I wanted to reach behind me and rub. I kept my hands to myself only by the slimmest margin.
“You come to visit me and then act like a brat. What a disappointment.”
“You just said you didn’t think I could be a brat sub!”
Gabriel kept his silence. The lack of words told everything. His disappointment raced through me. I hung my head and lay limply across his lap.
“Are you ready, Emma?”
I kept my answer short and to the point. “Yes.” I then braced myself for what was to come next.
Gabriel didn’t say anything else. He didn’t try to comfort me or prepare me for what to expect. He placed one hand on the small of my back. Gabriel spanked me, successfully hitting harder and harder after every few strikes.
I dug deep, concentrating on anything other than the pain radiating from my backside. I blocked out the rhythmic sounds, not letting it sway me from my thoughts. I recalled the upcoming tasks I needed to care of the next day. I ran through my grocery list. I thought of laundry. I remembered the chicken recipe I planned on making, carefully going through each item before going over it again.
Chicken br**sts. Tomato. Green pepper. Onion.
Gabriel’s hand kept striking harder and harder. I bit my lip and then immediately swallowed a half-formed cry. Centering my entire focus on ignoring the burning sensations, I swallowed yet another cry, this time louder. Then another. And another one after that.
Lost in my conviction, I refused to let out a sound even as the blows rained down with fury. Worse, Gabriel's rhythm did not falter. He applied his punishing hand with the swiftness that hardly allowed me to draw breath.
Desperate, I added columns of simple figures in my head. I alternated them with spelling out words in my head.
Pulchritude. P. U. L. C. H. R. I. T. U. D. E. Pulchritude.
237 + 425…2…carry the one…6…6…662.
Fiendish. F. I. E. N. D. I. S. H. Fiendish. Ah!
1378 + 2789…7…carry the one…5 plus1…6…fuck! That hurt! 4…167.
Inamorato. I. N. A. M. Ah! O. R. A. Damnit! T. O. Inamorato.
I didn’t know how much more could take. Just when I thought I’d have to retreat deeper behind my walls out of self-preservation, it all stopped.
I waited, expecting more but grateful that it had finally stopped. After another non-eventful minute, I gingerly turned over. Gabriel met my questioning gaze but said nothing in answer.
“That’s it?”
“Yes, that’s it.”
This didn’t seem right. Although my ass burned like fire, something felt wrong. “You’re cutting it all a bit short, aren’t you?”
Gabriel made a noncommittal sound low in his throat. He lifted me up before standing. “We’re done here, Emma. You may leave if you wish. I will see you tonight if it’s still amenable to you.”
I was being dismissed. Politely dismissed, but dismissed nonetheless. “Wait! Why are you doing this?”
He tilted his head in question. “You won’t let me take care of you. There’s no point in going further.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Your mind isn’t in this. You went somewhere else instead of staying here with me.”
“I don’t…what do you mean?” How did Gabriel know? How did he always seem to know what was going on in my head?