By quarter to six, I was in Teren's car, being driven to the cafe where my horrid dream had played out. I considered telling Teren about my dream, but when I glanced over at him and saw the tightness of his jaw, I reconsidered. Teren wasn't looking forward to any of this, and he was probably having some bad dreams of his own. No need to add mine into the mix.
I placed my hand on his knee and gave him a reassuring smile. He looked over and gave me the softest, barest hint of a smile in return as he laid his fingers over mine. I laced them together and his eyes drifted back to the road.
"I told Ashley you'd be leaving soon, so it could come up tonight if she told Mom anything." I paused for a moment and then filled him in on the rest of that conversation. "I told her everything about you...about what you're about to go through."
He looked back at me with wider eyes. "Oh," he whispered.
I felt him loosen our hands and I clutched him tighter. "We should talk about when you are leaving, Teren." He said nothing, just stared at the road as we sped towards my family. "Will it be this weekend?" My voice shook a little when I asked. Even though he needed to go, I wasn't ready for him to leave.
Noticing my tone, Teren glanced at me and stroked my finger with his thumb. "No, Emma."
Not liking that response, I stared at him as he pulled into the parking lot. "Why not, Teren? Wouldn't sooner be better than later?"
He pulled into an empty space and shut the car off. With a deep, calming breath, he turned to face me and I suddenly had the awful sensation that he was going to tell me he'd changed his mind, that he was staying in San Francisco.
His eyes searching my face, he quietly said, "I have to finish up work, Emma. I can't just disappear for a couple months." He looked down at the console between us and stroked my fingers again. "I'll give them two weeks and then I'll take a sabbatical. I should be able to finish up a couple articles by then," he muttered.
Not being able to take the sadness etched on his face, I unlaced our hands and cupped his cheek. His expression turned morose. "Come with me, Emma," he whispered into the stillness of the car.
I blinked and my brows drew down in confusion. "I am going to come with you, Teren. I'll help you get settled and visit-"
He cupped my cheek now, cutting me off. "No, stay out there with me...stay with me."
There was such a deep longing in his voice that I closed my eyes for a second. I opened them when I felt his lips brush against mine. He pulled back from our brief kiss with pale eyes full of need. "Please," he whispered.
"But...my job..." That really wasn't my argument. I just couldn't speak the real one yet.
"You never take your vacation time...you've got a lot saved up. Take that." He shrugged. "Or just quit. You hate that job anyway." I pursed my lips. I didn't hate the job...certain aspects and dumpy bosses maybe, but the job, no. "I don't know, Teren..."
His hand on my cheek started caressing my face, as his eyes roamed over my features. "I need you there, Emma. I'm...I'm so..." His voice trailed off, as his anxiety choked off his speech.
I put my hand over his and leaned into his touch. "I know, Teren. I know, baby," I whispered.
"Then stay?"
I paused for a long time. I knew Mom and Ashley were already waiting for us, we'd parked right beside Mom's car, and I knew that Teren was anxious about my answer, his eyes were flitting all over me, trying to gauge what I was feeling, but I didn't really want to speak my true fear out loud. I knew I had to though.
"What if you kill me at the ranch?" I barely spoke the words and they warbled as they came out.
Immediately his other hand cupped my cheek and he held my face close to his. His eyes glistened, as he answered me in a passionate voice, "I'm incapable of hurting you, Emma." A tear dripped down his cheek. "I will not do it." He shook his head and then leaned in to kiss me. He pressed against me fiercely, like he was willing my lips to believe him. I wanted to, but instinct was a powerful thing to fight against. Especially live or die instinct.
"Teren..." I tried again, when he pulled away and rested our heads together.
He cut me off with a sad sigh. "I'll send you away, Emma."
I blinked again and moved away from his face to look at him. His eyes were still brimming. "What?"
"After I die, I'll have Dad drive you far away from me." He sadly shook his head. "You may not have time to get me there safely, but I will have time to get you away safely."
"But your mom made it sound like... She sent your father away before..." I let my voice trail off, as I remembered his mother's concerned voice when she'd told me about her conversion.
He let out a soft sigh. "My mother is a bit overprotective. Haven't you noticed that?" I smiled as I considered that she was. Teren didn't smile with me. He continued in a voice heavy with emotion, "I need you there, Emma. I need to be with you every second before...this happens." Another tear dropped down his cheek and I brushed it away with my finger. "I need you to be there when I die."
My voice caught in my throat as I gazed at him. I could feel my eyes getting thick with tears of my own, and Teren's face started to get hazier as the moisture filled and obscured my vision. In a hoarse voice, he finished his death bed wish, "I need your face to be the last thing my human eyes see."
My tears spilled over and I began to sob as he clutched me to his shoulder.
Ashley didn't mention anything at dinner, when we were finally both put together enough to enter that damn cafe, but she eyed Teren throughout the meal with a mixed expression of sadness and wariness on her face. I thought maybe I shouldn't mention our new, new plan, until it was time to act on it. No point in worrying her needlessly. There was no way I was staying away from the ranch now though.
There is just no possible way to turn down your boyfriend when he asks to stare into your eyes as the lights fade from his. I really didn't want to see it, I was sure the image would haunt me my entire life...but I couldn't deny him. At this point, I didn't think there was much I could deny him.
Mom didn't seem to notice the melancholy at the table, and stoked our conversation with witty tales of her girlfriends and her neighbor's yappy dogs. I watched her features as she spoke and laughed, wishing for just a moment that I could clue her in on my real situation.
Then I looked over at Ashley and saw the faint tightness around her eyes and the forced angle of her smile, and thought better of it. Sharing my stress with another family member would just be selfish. Mom would gain nothing at all for knowing it. She would only be terrified for her daughter's safety, if she did know. Maybe someday, when all of this was over, I'd tell the warm, slightly pudgy woman across from me about the otherworldliness of my boyfriend. But not today.
We wrapped up dinner with ice cream and discussions about Ashley's new schedule for another year at school. Her eyes lit up when she talked about her classes, and a genuine smile spread on her face when she talked about visiting the hospital where she hoped to work. She had her own life planned, her own future mapped out and, much like Teren, she was determined to see it through on her own terms. I loved them both just a little more for their fierce independent streaks.
We kissed Mom and Ashley goodbye. Teren pulled Ashley aside and whispered something in her ear. She glanced over at me while they talked and then she closed her eyes and nodded, hugging him tight. They held each other a few moments longer than standard protocol, and I distracted my mom with small talk, so she wouldn't notice and ask what was going on.
As Mom and Ashley got in Mom's car and pulled away, I asked Teren what he'd said to her. He looked at me, the glow of the parking lot lights highlighting the tiredness of his eyes, and softly said, "I told her that I'd never hurt you. That I'd do anything to protect you, and she didn't need to worry."
He gave me a soft smile and I grabbed his hand. "Come home with me." He nodded and we went over to his car, to start our short journey to my home...before our long one, to his family's.
Chapter 15 - The Journey
Wednesday morning found me waking in bed with a much calmer feeling in my stomach. I would be with my vampire to the very end. I would hold his hand and tell him that he meant everything to me, as the life in his eyes flickered out. I was still horrified at the prospect of watching him die...but I was resolved to do it. He wanted this. He needed this. And I would be there for him, in the only way I could be.
Kissing my cheek and whispering that he loved me and he'd see me after work, Teren left me a couple hours before I had to leave myself. I stretched in bed and with a deep, relaxing breath in and out, I mentally prepared myself to have a conversation with Clarice about taking some much needed time off of work.
Hoping to score some points with her, I dressed in the way that she preferred-a long, heavy skirt and a frilly, long-sleeved conservative top. I piled my thick hair on top of my head and grabbed a fitted jacket before heading out the door to make a request that my boss was either going to approve...or she'd lose me.
She happened to be at my desk with a stack of papers when I approached her. My heart started quickening at the anticipation of the conversation. Her plump face took in my near carbon copy recreation of her own outfit, and a slight tugging at the corners of her lips indicated a smile.
She handed me the stack when I was within arm's length. "I need these copied and faxed by lunch," she said brusquely.
"Good morning, Clarice." I said, grabbing the papers and slapping a forced smile on my face. "I wanted to give you a heads-up, but I'll be giving you a written notice as well..." I took a deep breath and spoke with my exhale, "I'm taking all of the vacation and sick time that I've accrued in my time here, two weeks from Friday."
Her jaw dropped as she gaped at me. I'd worked here since graduating college. I'd never used any of my paid time off. Up until yesterday, I just hadn't had any pressing desire to go anywhere or do anything that couldn't be done in a weekend, or the week the office shut down after tax season-time off that didn't dip into our vacation time. They considered that our yearly bonus, I considered it perfect. The company allowed you to rollover any unused time, and didn't have a cap on how much you could roll over. You could even give away your vacation time to someone else, as a group once did for a woman going through chemotherapy a few years ago, before I'd started working here. As it was, I had a decent amount stored up.
Clarice looked surprisingly at a loss for words. Finally, she sputtered, "Oh...well...of course." She looked around the office as she did calculations in her head of how long I would be gone. "I guess I'll get the temp agency to get someone out here to replace you..." Her eyes came back to my face and her brows knitted in concern. "You are coming back...right?"
I smiled, genuinely happy that I was wanted here in my odd little family. "Of course. I just have a...a family situation that needs my attention."
She smiled widely for the first time I'd ever seen; it faded immediately. "Well, I'll need to see that in writing, as you said, and the dates will need to be clearly specified for your departure and return."