Sandra had a wounded look on her face, like a dream she’d long held precious had just been dashed on the rocks before her very eyes. Kelsey knew Sandra had always wished she and Todd would reconcile. Standing here with his family looking at her as if she had done something horrible, it was all too much.
“We only went so his trip wouldn’t go to waste,” she blurted. “We’re just friends.”
Todd’s mother made a you-don’t-have-to-explain gesture. Evan went utterly still, and the icy blast that blew up from the chasm between them was almost palpable. She didn’t know what else he expected, given the way he’d been acting since leaving Hawaii. Was she actually supposed to stand here and announce they were together—when she had no idea if they really were—in front of Todd’s entire family, who knew Evan so well, who even now were still casting her stunned, accusatory stares?
“You know what,” Evan said, and when Kelsey looked at him, he was acting as if she wasn’t even standing there, speaking to Sandra. “I think I’ll stop by the PD and see if the offense report is ready on Todd’s drunk driver. He was one of my defendants, anyway. I’ll get his motion to revoke all worked up and ready to file first thing Monday morning.”
“Evan, you don’t have to do that. You look like you can hardly stand up,” Sandra said.
“I’m fine. Really. I’ll be glad to do it.” His voice only said how much.
Kelsey crossed her arms and stared at her shoes. He was leaving her here. She felt like a lamb going to the slaughter. What a mistake this had been. This…whole thing.
And now she was losing her best friend because of it.
No!
“Evan—” she began, unable to hide the note of desperation in her voice. He turned toward her, but his gaze focused somewhere around her throat, not her eyes. She stammered for a moment, her thoughts like scurrying mice. “I… My stuff is still in your truck.”
“I figured you’d be here a while. Do you need it right this minute?”
“Well…” Shut up, girl, it’ll be an excuse to talk to him later. “No, I guess not.”
“I don’t know how late I’ll be, so I’ll drop it by my house. My brother will be there to let you get it.”
“Oh. Okay. But, um…I’m kind of stranded up here—”
“I can give you a ride when you’re ready,” Sandra offered. Evan nodded, as if that sounded swell to him. He gave Sandra another hug and kissed her cheek, promising to keep her updated on what was happening with the case, giving his best wishes for Todd’s swift recovery. To Kelsey, he only gave a brief nod before he left the room, left her, and was gone from her sight for the first time in nearly a week. Her heart feeling like a popped balloon in her chest, she dropped into a nearby chair and tried to hide her trembling hands from the watchful eyes of her ex-husband’s family.
Chapter Ten
Just friends. We’re just friends.
He’d uttered the same words just a couple of days ago to complete strangers on the dolphin tour, but it had been a joke. He’d made it so obvious that it was only a joke. Kelsey hadn’t been teasing. She might have only been trying to save face in front of Todd’s family, but that in itself grated his nerves until they were raw, nak*d wires under his flesh. Always it was about Todd f**king Jacobs. If she wasn’t eaten up with guilt over not making him happy enough to keep his dick in his pants, she was crying over him, jetting off to be at his side when he got hurt. She was keeping her own feelings and happiness under wraps to remain squeaky-clean in the eyes of his family. Her life was still consumed with him.
And he didn’t want any part of it until that man was exorcised for good…not by death, of course, but by her.
His legs ate up the distance down the hallway to the elevator, and he paced circles inside it after the doors closed. Hospitals had always smelled like pain and antiseptic and Band-Aids to him—God knew he spent enough time here talking to victims and their families—and Kelsey had traded tropical breezes and the scent of suntan lotion for this.
He tried not to be angry over that, he really did. He tried to understand. On some level, he did. Todd had been his best friend since they were toddlers. A year ago, Evan wouldn’t have thought twice about this decision, he’d have been on the first plane. He might have anyway, if it hadn’t been Todd who severed all contact between them. It hadn’t been the other way around like most people believed. Evan would have listened to the man if he had something to say. He’d even called once and left Todd a voicemail, just to show he was open to communication. But the call back had never come, so as far as he was concerned, that was that.
It had been hard. Almost thirty years’ worth of friendship gone, like it had never existed. It had been like losing a family member. The thought of something bad happening to his former friend had opened up a deep black hole in his chest. It had been scary as hell to wake up to news like that. He wanted him to be okay, but Evan’s place wasn’t here; he should have realized that sooner. Todd might not even want him here. Evan would make sure the guy who’d hurt Todd was behind bars for a good long time. That would be his contribution, though it was no less than what he would do for anyone.
It was all too complicated and he was too tired to try to sort it out. He just had to get away. Courtney floated through his chaotic thoughts, and he wondered whether he would have done the same thing for her. He still cared about her, but he hadn’t been married to her. Never had uttered a vow before God and everyone to love and honor her till death. So he supposed it wasn’t a fair comparison.
The elevator doors swept open and he strode out into the lobby. A flash of red caught his attention, and he saw Courtney standing in the little alcove where the vending machines were located. She was digging in her wallet for change.
He really should keep going and pray she didn’t look over and see him, but something in her movements gave him pause. Her hands were shaking. When her change purse hit the floor a moment later, sending coins rolling every which way, she furiously shoved her hair behind her ear and knelt to retrieve it.
A quarter rolled on its edge to Evan’s foot and he stepped on it. Her eyes went to him, and he saw her draw a breath before going back to her task. He bent to pick up her quarter and walked over to where she squatted, collecting others on his way.
“I got it,” she mumbled as he reached her. She stood and he handed her the coins. But instead of buying a drink with them, she shoved it all back in her purse.
“Courtney.”
“What?”
He shrugged and spread his hands. “I just feel like I need to say something to you. I don’t know what. You have a way of making me feel like I need to apologize but I haven’t done anything I need to apologize for, you know.”
“I know. Look, I deserve everything I get, right?” Her eyes filled with tears. She hadn’t been given to emotional displays when they were together. In fact, half the time he’d wondered what the hell was going on behind those cornflower blues. This had all started last Christmas. She couldn’t get around him, couldn’t talk to him, without acting this way. She was a mess.
“You deserve to be happy just as much as any of us. But I don’t think you’ll let yourself,” he said.
“You could have told me you were taking another woman on our honeymoon.”
He gave a sound that would have been a chuckle if there had been any humor in it. “It wasn’t our honeymoon anymore. It was a trip to Hawaii, on my parents’ money, that would have gone to waste if I hadn’t used it.”
“But to take her…of all people, Evan—”
“She and I have been friends for ten years. Long before you and Todd came along, it was me and her. There was nothing wrong with us going away together.” Even if it had turned into a total disaster.
“You’re not…with her?”
He thought of being with Kelsey. With her in the hot tub. With her in the shower. The bed. The couch. He thought of being buried deep inside her, coming with her, her breath on his neck, how sweet it had been every time. That sweetness hadn’t dissipated as soon as he’d spent himself, either. It had lingered, a pleasurable haze in his thoughts, even through his sleep. It had been there to greet him when he opened his eyes in the morning to find her snuggled against him. He could feel no trace of it now. It was a world away. He was cold. “No.”
She covered her face with her hands. “God.”
“What is it, Court? Come on, talk to me.”
“I just want her out of my life.”
“I’m sure she’s had similar thoughts about you.”
She pushed her hair back from her tear-stained face. Her blonde locks looked as if she hadn’t brushed them since awakening to a frightening phone call. “I don’t know if I can make you understand this. I really do love Todd. When I got the call that he’d been hurt, I think I realized just how much, because I thought of my life without him anywhere in it and…I couldn’t breathe.”
“Okay.”
“I still care about you so much. I always will. A little part of me will always think I was crazy for messing up and not marrying you, because with you my life would have been secure and stable and…”
“Boring?” he supplied wryly.
“Not boring. Safe. Too safe, I think. But that doesn’t mean I particularly like hearing that my arch enemy is taking trips that I was supposed to take. I know it makes me a selfish bitch. I can’t help it. It seems it’s always about her. Every time Todd and I fight, it’s about her. We split up because of her. And it just never stops.”
“Trust me, I know the feeling.” In fact, it made perfect sense to him. Which was only testament to how screwed up he was. He honestly thought he wouldn’t notice if a Boeing 747 fell out of the sky and landed on his head at the moment. He certainly didn’t think he’d care.
“But when it comes down to it, if you’re not with her, then she’s probably back here to nurse him back to health, and I’m sure he’d be all for it.”
“I don’t know. I don’t have any answers. All I know is if the two of them decide to get back together, unhappy as they were, they both deserve whatever they get.”
She stared at him, probably dismayed by his tone. Exhaustion was starting to overwhelm him, physically and emotionally. Caffeine was going to become a necessity if he wanted to get any work done. He reached out and put an arm around his ex-fiancée’s quivering shoulders. “Come on. I’ll buy you something in the coffee shop.”
She nodded and let him lead her away.
From her hiding place around the corner, Kelsey drew a breath. She supposed she already deserved everything she got from this situation. But the words she’d said to Todd’s mother couldn’t have hurt Evan as much as that biting, bitter “no” he’d just uttered wounded her. She leaned against the wall to keep from collapsing into a boneless heap. Evan and Courtney were disappearing down a hallway now, his arm still around her.