“Babysitters, neighbors, Mariane’s friends, my friends’ wives … everyone did what they could to help, but in the end my schedule was so erratic it became a problem. Sam had no continuity. He never knew where he’d be, who would keep him when I was working night shift or was called away suddenly. Here he has stability. He knows where he’s going to sleep at night.”
“It’s a high price to pay,” Lolly said. “For both of you.”
He’d been telling himself the situation was temporary, that he’d find a nanny he could afford so his son could be home at night, but with every week that passed there was a growing fear that he’d never be able to make the proper arrangements. He was a sergeant in the army, and though he made a decent living, he didn’t make enough to pay someone twenty grand a year, which was the bare minimum for fulltime child care.
He didn’t want his son to grow up with an absent father who visited when he could, but in his darkest moments he didn’t see how he could avoid that, at least right now. Sam’s grandparents would effectively become his parents, and his father would be an afterthought, an occasional visitor who disrupted the everyday routine. Lolly was right; the sacrifice was a high price to pay for stability.
“We’ll make it work,” he said. “Whatever’s best for Sam, that’s what I’ll do.” He was anxious to change the subject. “What about you? Married, engaged, divorced …”
“None of the above. I do date, on occasion, but there hasn’t been anything serious in a long while.”
“Why not?” She was pretty, smart, and if what had happened in the shower was any indication, a wildcat in the sack. She had taken him by surprise, but then just about everything she’d done since he’d climbed that rickety ladder a few hours ago had surprised him. Whoever would have thought that he’d come to admire Lolly Helton? She had been out of her element from the get-go, but she had toughed it out, and even come to his aid during both of his battles with Darwin and Niki. Her inner strength, especially concerning Niki, brought up a deep sense of respect. That couldn’t have been easy for her, but she’d done what had to be done, and she hadn’t collapsed afterward.
He wasn’t about to admit that he’d expected less of her though, because the one thing he didn’t want to do was hurt her feelings or get on her bad side. To his astonishment, he liked her too damn much, liked everything he’d learned about her tonight.
“Maybe I’m too picky.” Her answer brought his attention back to the question he’d asked. She sighed. “Maybe I’m unlucky. I don’t know. The simple answer is, it’s just never happened for me. Love, that is,” she said more softly. “I have certain expectations and I don’t want to settle for just any halfway decent man because thirty crept up on me and desperation set in.”
He couldn’t see the Lolly he used to know or the woman he’d come to know tonight being desperate to land a man. She’d survived a tough situation without falling apart, and while she leaned on him—literally and figuratively—she was far from being fragile and needy.
And he’d forever remember the image of her rushing after Niki, coming to his defense even though she was scared half out of her wits—and naked, to boot.
“What about you?” she asked, as if an idea had just occurred to her. “Has there been anyone since your wife died?” He could hear the hint of discomfort in her voice, as she wondered if she’d had sex with a man who was committed to another.
“No.”
He was certain Lolly didn’t expect that her relief would be so evident to him, but her sigh and the way her body relaxed told it all. So, she was pretty, smart, not desperate, and she had morals. Otherwise the thought that she might’ve had impulsive sex with a man who was involved with another woman wouldn’t have bothered her at all.
“Did you mean what you said earlier?” she asked. “About asking me out if you came home on leave and I was around.”
“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t. Why? Would you say yes?”
“Maybe. But only if you promised that our second date would be less exciting than the first.”
He laughed, surprising her and himself. This wasn’t a night for laughter—or hadn’t been until now. “This is a date?”
“You saw me naked and you fed me dinner.” There was a touch of humor in her voice. “Sounds like a bang-up date to me.”
Gabriel had wondered a time or two what his first date after Mariane’s death would be like, if he ever found the right woman—and the courage to move forward. He’d sure as hell never pictured anything like this, never by any stretch of the imagination thought it might be Lolly Helton, of all people, who for the first time in three years made him feel both physical and emotional attraction. He wanted to have sex with her again, he wanted to share mundane things with her, he wanted to find out what made her laugh, what made her cry, what colors she liked, her favorite flower. Lolly made him feel as if there might be a real life out there again, a life both full and ordinary. He’d had that with Mariane, and her sudden death had left him so empty that only having Sam had given him the strength to go on.
He and Lolly had been through a very stressful few hours that made their sense of intimacy, their connection, far more intense than if they’d met again under normal circumstances. But would they have given each other a chance if the circumstances had been normal? Had it taken a crisis to make them see each other as they were now, rather than how they’d been fifteen years ago?