“I wasn’t implying that you were being cruel. And I certainly don’t want your sympathy.” He was growing frustrated—this wasn’t where he wanted this conversation to go. His last few words had come out a little bit harsher than they should have and she’d flinched, making him feel like a heel. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s how you feel,” she said, but there was hurt in her tone.
“It’s just that lots of people have sympathy—they’re just full of it, you know? To me, that’s meaningless. I don’t like it when people say they are sorry but their actions don’t prove it. I don’t like it when someone puts on one face to the world and then becomes a monster behind closed doors. I don’t like it when people lie to get their way.”
She flinched again, and Jackson ran a hand through his hair, knowing he was messing this all up. He tried to calm himself so he could get back on track. He couldn’t tell her he loved her, as he wasn’t even sure he knew what romantic love was. But he could tell her that he cared—he knew that beyond any doubt—and that he didn’t want to lose her.
“Sometimes not everything is black-and-white, Jackson. Sometimes people have a reason for keeping secrets.”
“What does that mean? If someone has something to hide, then that’s never good.”
“Like I said, not everything is black-and-white.” She was frowning at him.
“We are getting off track here, Alyssa. I don’t even know what we’re talking about anymore.”
“What is it that you’re trying to say, Jackson?”
“If you could go back and change certain aspects of your life, knowing what you know now, would you?”
Alyssa sat there for a moment, clearly giving the question serious thought.
“I might change some things, but I might not. I believe that every experience in our lives shapes us, teaches us where we went wrong, and there’s some sort of lesson to be learned at the end.”
“What about your being pregnant without the kid’s father anywhere to be found? Would you do that all over again?” He watched as she flinched again and her eyes darted away. “What? Too close to home?”
“I just don’t want to talk about that right now,” she finally said, still refusing to look into his eyes.
“You are more than willing to listen to other people, but you don’t like speaking about yourself, do you?”
“No. I don’t.”
“You’ve shared with me, though, Alyssa. I think we’re good together.” This was where he wanted the conversation to go.
“I think we’re not bad together,” she said with a hint of a smile.
“Then let me be there for you. Open up to me. Share with me.”
“You’re asking for a lot,” she said, but she wasn’t looking away.
“With you, I find that I want it all.”
“What does that mean to you, Jackson?”
He stopped, not knowing the answer to that. But he wouldn’t lie to her anymore. Enough secrets had been kept between them in their attempts to guard themselves. Honesty would probably get him a lot further than deception.
“I want to be with you, take care of you. I don’t want to let you go.”
He saw the internal battle raging within her and he waited. He’d opened up to her, told her he cared, showed her how much he cared this past month and a half, and confessed more than he had to any other person since his ex-wife’s betrayal. The ball was now in her court.
When Alyssa didn’t say anything, just shifted the blanket off her lap and stood up, Jackson’s heart stopped. He didn’t know if she was going to walk to him or away from him. He felt that if she walked away this time, it would be the end for them. He’d given her all he could at this point.
When she came toward him slowly, and then climbed into his lap, pure joy filled him. She reached up and cupped his face, looking directly into his eyes. “I need you, too, Jackson.”
When she kissed him, there was no more question of what would happen . . .
Jackson took the sweet kiss that Alyssa offered and transformed it. He held her as if he would never let go, and the two of them sank to the floor, onto the soft rug that was spread out in front of the blazing fire.
As his mouth trailed down her neck, Alyssa felt excitement take the place of pain and sorrow, felt passion rise in place of fear. For tonight, she was in Jackson’s hands, and skilled hands they were. He was a masterful lover, confident and sure of himself, able to take her so high that she feared she’d never touch back down again. This had been too long in coming. She needed him. And he needed her.
As he tugged her shirt from her body, she feared this would end too quickly, that being held in his arms for hours was a mere wish that couldn’t come true. Once her shirt and bra fell away, his mouth moved downward, brushing across her breasts and then going lower. She shook as his hands roamed. So fast! Much too fast!
But as if he sensed her anxiety, his hands and mouth slowed. He looked up, his eyes sparkling as his tongue lazily circled the quivering flesh of her stomach.
“You are so beautiful, Alyssa,” he whispered reverently.
“So are you, Jackson.”
He chuckled, then grasped her jeans and panties and drew them off in one fell swoop, leaving her bare to his view. She didn’t have time to feel self-conscious about her gently swelling belly in the well-lit room. He didn’t allow it. He lowered his head and began doing delicious things to the part of her that ached the most. Moaning in encouragement, Alyssa moved her body to the rhythm of his tongue as she sought fulfillment.
Time ceased having any meaning as his tongue and fingers lifted her higher and higher, as her body reached toward release. Why had she been fighting this? It was exactly what she’d needed for so long. And there was no one other than Jackson capable of bringing her body such pleasure.
When she reached her peak and came against his mouth, Alyssa thought she might stay suspended in the sky like a burst of stars. But when she opened her eyes and found Jackson poised above her, a satisfied smile on his face, his thick erection pressing against her thigh, she realized that this was only the beginning.
“Why have we wasted so much time? This is exactly where the two of us should always be,” he said, his voice serious, his body throbbing against hers.
“I don’t know,” Alyssa sighed. Suddenly her reasons for trying to keep her distance seemed foolish, ridiculous, even. “I shouldn’t have prevented something that feels so good.” Why would she want to put distance between them when he so clearly wanted them to be together?