All too soon, we were standing in the hall outside my apartment saying goodbye. Then kissing goodbye, and not at all the way we’d kissed on the carousel. This kissing was hungry and frantic. This kissing was the kind that didn’t usually end on this side of the door.
I was already in a lust haze when JC asked, “Are you sure you can’t just forget your first-date-no-sex rule?”
“No. I’m not.” If he kept licking along my ear like that, I’d forget my own name.
He sucked my lobe between his teeth then let go. “Are you saying we can forget it?”
“Yes.” God, yes. I turned my head to nibble along his jaw, and I tried to remember why I hadn’t wanted sex in the first place.
And then I did remember. That frightened, nervous, panicked feeling was distant now, but still vaguely present. “No, I’m not sure. I don’t know.” I did know that if we stayed there much longer, Ben would see us on his way out for his morning run. And that didn’t sound like a fun encounter.
JC tore his lips from my skin and pinned me against the door where he could look me squarely in the eyes. “If you don’t know then we should stop. Because pretty soon I’m not going to be able to.”
Honestly, I was surprised that we hadn’t already passed that point. I leaned forward, desperate to reclaim his mouth, but he pulled away.
“You know what? I’m going to go.” He was as breathless as I was. “I know it’s important that we do this time right, and I don’t want you to have any regrets.”
“Really?” I didn’t bother trying to hide my disappointment.
He nodded so hard I wasn’t sure whom he was trying to convince. “Yeah. This is best.”
“It is?” My mind was muddled and I couldn’t decide what was best at all. This did not feel like it was best, no matter what I’d said earlier.
“Painful but best.” He sighed, leaning his forehead against mine. “You don’t have any rules about second dates that I need to know about, do you?”
“No more rules.” I wished I could figure out how to take back this rule. I couldn’t think of anything to say that would convince him I wasn’t making a decision under hormonal duress, probably because I was under hormonal duress.
“Good. No more rules makes me very happy.” The way he said happy, the obvious desire in his dilated eyes—I couldn’t help myself. I moved forward and brushed my lips against his.
He started to return the kiss then stopped, pushing me away firmly with both hands. “No. Uh-uh. This has to. I have to go.”
“Fine. Go.” I peeled his jacket off of me, disheartened that it wasn’t him peeling me out of it, and handed it over.
He didn’t bother putting it on, slinging it over his arm instead. “Sleep well.” He kissed me on the cheek, moving in and out quickly as if I might somehow trap him into staying if he didn’t. Then he started toward the elevator.
“Tomorrow,” I called after him. “Or, today, I mean. Will I see you?”
He turned to me, walking backwards now. “Yes. Second date is definitely happening today.”
“Okay.” I hesitated only a second. “I love you.”
He grinned. “Big words for a first date. You might ruin it.”
“They’re big words any time I say them.” Real big words.
He stopped, and I thought he was about to say it back when, instead, he cursed. “If I say it back, I’m going to have to stay. Go inside.”
I put my key in the lock, but I paused. If I didn’t go inside, would he come back? If he did, would I regret it?
“Inside!” It was an order this time.
With great reluctance, I obeyed. As I did, I heard him calling down the hall behind me, “This is painful, Gwen. Fucking painful!”
I leaned against the door and closed my eyes. God, I missed him already, even though in many ways he was still with me. The smell of him still clung to my clothes, and the feel of his kiss was imprinted everywhere his lips had traveled. His words from earlier played in my ears on a loop. “I’m still in love with you.”
And, yes, I was turned on and horny, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t think clearly. Didn’t mean I couldn’t make a smart decision. There was still so much I didn’t know about him, and maybe I never would, but what I did know was plenty. I knew that I loved him and I wanted him and I enjoyed being with him, and hell, if that wasn’t enough to base a relationship on, what was?
It certainly was more than enough to let him back in my bed.
Goddammit, why had I let him leave?