“And you think that makes that easier?”
“What I think is you hold guilt for things that were beyond your control.”
“No shit?” he asked sarcastically. “Became a cop because I wanted to save the world seein’ as I couldn’t save my mom. I couldn’t save Judy. Fuck, I actually helped save a goddamned world. It didn’t help. I could lift a gun and shoot that fuckin’ bitch of a witch and help save countless lives. But I was totally helpless, in Judy’s case forced to sit back and actually watch, completely unable to do fuck all to save either one of them.”
I stared right into his eyes, right into the heart of his anguish, and finally understood.
And what I understood gave me rapture.
“So you hold on to your midnight soul and refuse to let it go.”
“It’s got hold of me, Franka, and there’s no way to escape it.”
“Good,” I whispered.
His chin jerked into his neck and he did one of his slow blinks.
“Midnight is beautiful,” I told him. “And it’s at its most beautiful in you.”
I watched his body lock.
“Oh but the gods do so love me,” I shared softly. “To give me a man who would allow his soul to be taken over by the darkness of night, for he’s a man who loves so deeply, he lost those who had his love, was cast into the shadows, and he refuses to crawl to the light.”
I stopped speaking and Noc said nothing. He just stared at me, and I saw the cords of his throat convulse with his swallow.
Then he dropped his head.
I moved forward quickly.
Getting close, fitting my front to his, I lifted both my hands to his cheeks and peered up at him, bearing the agony in his face, now understanding what he was hiding behind his closed eyes.
And relishing the honor it was to have both.
He stood, not touching me, not speaking.
I stood, holding his beauty in my hands, and I did this silently.
This lasted an eternity.
Then he whispered, “I fuckin’ hate this goddamned anniversary.”
Finally.
I had not seen his pain weeks ago simply because I’d had reason to look more closely.
I’d seen his pain because now was the time when it forced itself to the surface.
“You miss her,” I whispered back.
He opened his eyes.
I saw the wet gleam and I was honored to have that too.
“Yeah, sweetheart, every fuckin’ day.”
I slid my thumb along his cheekbone. “I love you for that.”
He closed his eyes, drew breath in through his nose, and when he opened them again, contrition shifted into his gaze.
He lifted one hand to my jaw and returned my gesture. “Been a fuckin’ dick.”
I shook my head but said, “It’s my joy to take every part of you.”
He shook his head in return, his lips twitching. “My Frannie. Should’ve known. She takes the good but she’s always been better at takin’ the bad.”
“Indeed.”
All of a sudden, my arms were forced to circle his shoulders when his hand disappeared from my jaw. He caught me up in a tight embrace and buried his face in my neck.
“Love you, baby,” he declared there.
“And I you.”
He pressed his face deeper in my neck and his voice was gruff when he went on, “She would have loved you too.”
I closed my eyes at more rapture.
But I said nothing.
I just held on to my love.
And I basked in the beauty of midnight.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Never Far
Franka
Noc had chosen the place.
He’d also chosen the time.
We walked there together in the moonlight.
When we got to the spot he wished to be, standing amongst the shadows of trees dripping their moss gracefully, he turned me in his arms and bent his neck to touch his lips to mine. After, he tucked my cheek to his chest and rested his on top of my head.
I had one arm around his back but the other hand I rested on his biceps.
I did this for two reasons.
One was to touch him, obviously.
The other so I’d know when it was time.
We remained in each other’s arms as the minutes on my watch ticked by.
And I watched through the moonlight as the second hand warned me the time was nigh.
Only then did I step slightly from Noc’s embrace.
Keeping hold of him with my arm around him, I swept my other down then up in a wide arc.
And from my fingers, a flock of doves flew, their gossamer wings glittering among moonbeams, the tips of their feathers trailing delicate shimmers that dropped in an exquisite fade to the earth.
They flew direct toward the waning quarter moon and disappeared in its light.
It was midnight.
My favorite time of day.
And it was the anniversary of Judy’s death.
When the least I could do was make doves fly.
My gaze turned to Noc to see him staring into the sky where the doves had disappeared.
I gave him a moment to spend with Judy.
Then I whispered, “It’s time to go home, my love.”
His eyes drifted down to me.
I saw pain that would never fade.
As it should be.
But I also saw peace.
“Yeah, sweetheart. It’s time to go home.”
Holding hands, we made our way to his car, leaving moonlight and magic behind.
However, Judy stayed with us, for I was certain no matter what day it was, or what time, the love Noc had for her, the love she’d earned, she was never far.
Epilogue
Every Way Love Can Be
Franka
“I would say that’s a job well done,” Valentine noted.
We stood, Valentine, Lavinia and I, on the pavement across from the restaurant where the maintenance man and the woman who’d loved him from afar, the woman who had loved him so much she scrimped and saved to buy his love for her in return, were sitting at a table at the window eating hamburgers.