“No, I’m not over it, but each day I work closer and closer to being okay with things I know won’t ever change.”
“The new normal?’
I nodded a little. “Yeah.”
He had more questions and now some serious concerns. I could see them swirling and colliding in his eyes. But I didn’t have the right words to soothe them away, so I leaned forward and gave him the same kind of kiss he landed on me this morning.
“I’ll see you at the gym tomorrow. You’re getting really close to your goal. You can probably schedule your physical with both your doctor and your job within the next month.”
He just looked at me without saying anything and when he got out of the car he shut the door with more force than was necessary. He was upset and I didn’t blame him, but I also couldn’t tell him that he was angry about a dead man. That made me feel too exposed, too vulnerable and where he was concerned, I had done a very good job of insulating myself from the start.
I tried to push it all to the back of my mind and focus on the twisty, winding mountain roads that lead out of downtown Denver and into the mountains towards the small, upscale community of Brookside. The Archers made it a point to have a family get-together every Sunday and ever since Shaw brought me into the fold I had a standing invitation to join them. I couldn’t always make it considering work and my own family obligations, but I did try and stop by once a month just like I told Dom.
Rule and Shaw now had a baby boy named Ry and he looked so much like Remy that it took my breath away every time I held him. Remy’s older brother Rome was also on his way to getting married and was expecting his second child with his pixie-sized girlfriend, Cora Lewis. They had a toddler, a tiny spitfire who was a carbon copy of her mother, named Remy … or RJ as the rest of the family called her. Not me. She was named after her uncle, and her happy and mischievous personality would have thrilled him. I called her Remy and gave her hugs from both of us whenever I got to see her.
My boy was alive and well through memory and family. Spending time with the Archer brood always soothed the jagged parts of me that losing one of them had caused. We helped each other remember and heal. Remy would have danced a goddamn jig if he could’ve seen us all together and happy celebrating him the way we tended to do.
It was Rule who opened the door when I knocked and like I always did when I looked at him I had to take a moment to remember he was not Remy. I had to soak in the colorful ink that covered his neck and hands. I had to zero in on the metal bars that dotted his eyebrow and the hoop that lived in the center of his bottom lip. He usually had some crazy-colored hair that was spiked up or shaved off, but ever since his little boy had been born, he was leaving it the natural dark brown all the Archer boys were born with. It was longer than it had ever been and even had a little curl to it. If it wasn’t for the cocksure grin and the sharpness in his blue eyes that were paler than my own, I would call him pretty. Rule had too much edge to be pretty, but he was close.
“You good, man?” It was the same every time I saw him. The same question and the same sad look in his eyes. I needed a minute and he gave it to me.
“I’m good.” He reached out and clapped a hand on my shoulder and pulled me into the warm and welcoming house. It smelled like French toast and bacon. It felt like walking into a full body hug when I so desperately needed one.
As we walked up the stairs, I could hear Rome arguing with Cora over something and Shaw trying to play the peacekeeper. She was always trying to smooth things over, trying to make sure everyone was happy and getting along, sometimes at the expense of her own happiness. At least, she had sacrificed that until Rule woke up and realized she was a beautiful young woman who had been in love with him for most of her life. I was hit at the knees by a preciously little girl with blond pigtails who immediately lifted her arms up and demanded to be picked up.
I hefted Remy into my arms and gave Shaw a one-armed hug as she made her way over to my side.
“I haz a friend.” At least that’s what I think she was trying to tell me but her words were caught between baby talk and being all the way clear. I nuzzled her neck until she squealed.
I looked at Shaw, who was watching her husband take their son from Dale, the baby’s grandfather so the older Archer could go and set the table. If anyone had ever had their heart in their eyes, it was the woman next to me.
“Who’s the friend, Remy?” She laughed at me and patted my cheeks with her palms.
“He haz twucks.” She stuck out her tongue and proceeded to blow a raspberry right at the end of my nose. Cora groaned from across the room as her fiancé, Rome, made his way over to collect his handful of an offspring.
The big, retired soldier took the squirming child from me and put a smacking kiss on her cheek. “It’s a long story, but there is a five-year-old she now has her eye on and I don’t think it has much to do with his trucks.”
I laughed and followed him into the room. Margot and Dale Archer had had to do more work than any of us when it came to dealing with Remy’s death. When their son passed away, the entire family’s fractured and already thin ties had snapped. It always did my heart good to see them all together and working, always working and putting things back in the order they should be. Neither Archer brother wanted their kids to go without their grandparents, so it took constant effort from all sides.
I walked over to the couch where Cora had planted her very pregnant self and bent so I could kiss her on the forehead. “Looking good, prego.”