I sighed.
She continued to trail her warm fingers across my arm, expanding her search up my arm. I felt the new creature, desire, break through my carefully cultivated fa?ade and divulged into more fantasies. I pictured bringing my lips to her neck, not to take her life, but to kiss lightly. I imagined moving my lips from her neck to her ear where I would whisper how much I loved her.
She grabbed my hand lightly with her free hand and was trying to turn it over. My own nature took over and I flipped my hand, palm up, so fast that her fingers froze on my arm and I realized that I made a mistake. No mistakes, I reminded myself.
"Sorry," I whispered.
I briefly caught a glimpse of her face, making sure I was forgiven. I saw that I was, and closed my eyes again then added, "It's too easy to be myself with you."
She carefully moved my hand back and forth in hers. She was incredibly warm and electricity was throbbing through me. I imagined bringing my lips down her jaw line and then to her unbelievably warm and delicious lips. I sighed internally at the new creature who had broken through all the barriers I had placed to protect this amazing soul next to me. Was she feeling the same desires? I opened my eyes to try and read her expression. Reflections of rainbows were scattered across her face. She looked peaceful. Not being able to hear her thoughts was still taxing. Instantly, I had to know...
"Tell me what you're thinking," I pleaded.
Her eyes swiftly met mine.
"It's still so strange for me, not knowing," I explained.
"You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time," she said, her voice acerbic.
"It's a hard life," I acknowledged.
I willed my mind to hear her thoughts in that moment... even a single sound would quench my ever dying thirst for her knowing mind. I realized then that she hadn't told me what was on her mind, "But you didn't tell me."
She paused for a moment, biting her delicate bottom lip, "I was wishing I could know what you were thinking..." her voice faltered.
I tried to encourage her to continue, "And?"
Her voice accelerated then, "I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid."
I was grief-stricken instantaneously.
"I don't want you to be afraid," I spoke the words that were undeniable. I kept my voice soft, pleading. She should be afraid though, she should fear this menacing creature in front of her. She spoke then, bringing me out of my dejection, "Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that is certainly something to think about."
Without thinking, I propped myself up on my right arm, in a momentum that would have been unsettling to a human, but my Bella didn't move a centimeter. During my movement, my left hand stayed securely in hers. My action had only placed me but a few inches from her glorious face. Electricity exploded in me and it took every fiber of my being not to move those few extra inches and place my lips to her delicate ones. I stared fixedly at her and she was dazzled.
"What are you afraid of, then?" I wondered.
She took a deep breath, and then leaned in, inhaling my scent. I took in the sweet air between us into my lungs, too. I was instantly eager. Ecstasy quickly washed over me and I began to lean closer to place my lips against hers. Before she noticed that I had leaned in too, I did the only thing I could to stop my passion from becoming her death and I fled. I was instantly standing in the shade across the meadow. I tried to leave off any expression that would be readable on my face. I didn't want her to see the monster that almost broke free. Which one? I asked myself.
She looked around until she spotted me and then met my gaze. Her face displayed many emotions until she finally settled on shocked. I immediately felt like reaching into my chest to calm my still heart. I could tell that I had done something to upset her.
"I'm... sorry... Edward," she whispered.
No mistakes, I ordered to myself. I just needed to tame the beast within. The craving for her body was overwhelming.
"Give me a moment," I implored.
I took one - two - three deep breaths, hoping to dispel any lingering lust for her blood. I am dangerous, I know she saw that, but I didn't want her to know this side of me. I looked at her then, keeping her eyes fixed in mine and walked slowly back into the light, a place I knew I didn't belong. I stopped several feet from her now, trying to bridle my flaming desires. I sank to the ground then, never taking my eyes off Bella. I didn't want to miss a single expression.
I inhaled the air around me, slowly welcoming back her fragrance. I took another breath, just to reassure myself that I could handle this. No mistakes, I reminded myself, though I already knew I had made too many. With our eyes still fixed, I tried to calm her with a smile, "I am so very sorry."
How do I make her understand how sorry I am?
"Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?" I asked, hoping that she would comprehend what I was trying to explain to her.
She nodded once, with just a light twitch of her lips. Was she afraid now? Had I made a mistake so devastating that she would never grace me with her presence again? I could hear how hard her heart was working, trying to get the blood to her body as quickly as possible. I realized then, that I had promised myself that I would show her what I truly am, so she could understand why we shouldn't be together. My smile turned devilish in the thought of what I was going to show her now.
"I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in - my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that!" I bellowed.
I ran around the meadow two times at my normal pace to add to my statement, "As if you could outrun me," I laughed sharply.