"You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity...what's that worth?" I asked.
"Very little - I don't feel deprived of anything," she murmured.
"Not yet," I replied, grief thickly covering my every word.
When she realizes her mistake, she will leave me, and it will be for someone who is human, someone who can grow old with her. She tried to pull away from me now, and I couldn't let her see the sadness that was on my face. I held her tightly to my chest.
"What..." she began to ask something.
I froze, because Charlie's thoughts were evident, he was going to check on Bella, She better be in her bed. Charlie thought.
I released her hands, even though it caused me pain to do so, and moved into a corner of the room where Charlie wouldn't see me. I suddenly realized that Bella had no idea what was going on, "Lie down!" I whispered fiercely.
She quickly wrapped herself in her quilt and lay down on her side. Charlie cracked open the door only a second later. I watched as she exaggerated each breath and I rolled my eyes. Charlie could tell she wasn't completely asleep either. He stood there for a whole minute before closing the door quietly. Bella never moved. Had she fallen asleep?
I moved swiftly over to her and I wrapped my arms around her under the covers. Her heart skipped a beat and then began speeding up. Her pulse was racing. I was instantly eager. I put my lips to her ear, "You are a terrible actress - I'd say that career path is out for you." I breathed.
She trembled, and then replied, "Darn it," she whispered.
I held her securely to my chest and I began to hum her lullaby that I composed. I hesitated for a moment, "Would you like me to sing you to sleep?" I asked.
"Right," she laughed, "Like I could sleep with you here!"
"You do it all the time," I reminded her.
"But I didn't know you were here," she said, her voice snippy.
It was true; she hadn't known I was here. I didn't want to leave though, so I decided a compromise would be best, "So if you don't want to sleep..." I breathed in her ear.
I had other ideas...of things we could do, but I knew that my insatiable desires could cause me to lose control, especially if she were to embrace me back like she did this afternoon. I couldn't imagine how I would feel if I lost control. I banished the thought from my mind immediately.
"If I don't want to sleep...?" she responded.
I laughed in whispers, "What do you want to do then?"
She hesitated for a moment, and that moment felt like a life time...if only I could read her thoughts.
"I'm not sure," she said timidly.
I couldn't make this decision for her, she had to decide...it was her choice; it has to always be her choice.
"Tell me when you decide," I replied.
I brought my nose to her neck and engulfed her scent. Daggers were being dragged down my throat, I was sure of it. The burning desire enthralled me. I slid my nose up her neck to her jaw, breathing in her scent, her incredibly appetizing scent.
"I thought you were desensitized"
"Just because I'm resisting the wine, doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet," I whispered against her ear, "You have a very floral smell, like lavender...or freesia, it's mouthwatering." I trailed my nose down her neck again, inhaling the sweet scent.
"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell," she said sarcastically.
I laughed lightly and failed to suppress a sigh.
"I've decided what I want to do, I want to hear more about you," she told me.
I could handle this, "Ask me anything" I prompted.
She paused for a moment, "Why do you do it?" she asked, curiosity flaring in her voice, "I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you...are. Please don't misunderstand; of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place." she pointed out.
I wasn't sure how to answer this, I had to think how the right way to explain it, "That's a good question, and you are not the first to ask it. The others - the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot - they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been...dealt a certain hand...it doesn't mean that we can't chose to rise above - to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can." I explained to her.
She didn't move, but she was still snuggled securely against me. I waited for a few moments, no sound. I was worried instantly, then realized she might be asleep, "Did you fall asleep?" I whispered in her ear.
"No." she whispered back.
"Is that all you were curious about?" I wondered.
"Not quite," she said like I should know better.
"What else do you want to know?" I asked, curious now.
"Why can you read minds - why only you? And Alice, seeing the future...why does that happen?" she whispered.
I shrugged then, not really knowing how to answer this question. I contemplated for only a second, "We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory...he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified - like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."
I only quit speaking for a second before she had another question, "What did he bring into the next life, and the others?" she was incredibly curious, which I don't blame her for.