Home > Midnight Sun (Twilight #1.5)(189)

Midnight Sun (Twilight #1.5)(189)
Author: Stephenie Meyer

I know what you're planning.

I ignored her. Curiosity continued to eat at her as she walked next to me down the hall which was rich with the scent of bleach and plastic. She looked at me inquisitively, wondering what I was thinking that was making the visions in her mind flash. My thoughts were burning, wishing I could know what was going through Bella's mind right now. Her mind was closed to me, and now her eyes were too, the one link I had left to her internal knowledge.

Everything is going to be okay, I can see it. She tried to comfort me.

Still, I continued to walk silently next to her. Bella's oddly deep brown eyes were fixated in my irises which were crimson with fresh human blood. My contacts were beginning to burn away. Before I could ask Alice, she had another box placed in her palm.

Here, let's not give Charlie any reasons to hate you more.

"Thanks," I replied dully.

If I thought going on a single hunting trip - leaving Bella behind, vulnerable - was excruciating, the next twelve hours were worse. The extreme and generally prolonged pain and mental suffering were the most constant of my torments. But, the most painful of my torments was Charlie's possessive nature over his daughter. With him here, I was basically kicked out of her room, Renée constantly apologizing for his poor behavior.

During the afternoon hours Alice and Renée would converse about everything from style to yoga classes, even though Alice has no need for yoga. Though I sat there, listening to their conversations, they continued to become aware of how tightly wound I was, feeling the stress emanate out of me without the special gift that Jasper has.

Edward, Alice called from her mind around two in the afternoon. Charlie is going back to Forks. The officers...well, he is the police force, they need him back. He already received that call and will be on a plane by five.

This was the first decent news I had heard in days. Regardless, today would be a hard one. Harder than the day before because each second that I continued to count added to the time that her deep depths were closed, her mind locked up tighter than Fort Knox. Like Alice had predicted, Charlie came strolling around the corner to give us the news about his departure. He completely ignored me, but in his mind he was thinking daggers towards me. Daggers that would never pierce my cold, steel skin.

Renée walked with Charlie out of the hospital, leaving Alice and I alone together.

Let's go see Bella.

Without answering her, I rose, walking quicker than human speed towards the room. Whenever Charlie wasn't taking up all of Bella's coma time, I was there, by her side. When I got the chance, I was holding her. Renée had stayed the night, and was planning on doing it again - something I wasn't terribly excited about.

When we reached the door I opened it and was instantly hit with a spectacular scent wafting through the room. Each breath was full of fire which was also full of her life. I ignored the burning, pushed it in the back of my mind.

There was a newspaper on her bedside table. I picked it up to the page that was left open. It was a story that covered the arson of a ballet studio and theft of a car that was left outside. Anger pulsed through me at the thought of James again, though I pushed it aside because another angry thought hit me. I wished that Renée hadn't known about this, because now she was too afraid to stay in her own home.

My continuance of emotions ached for some kind of physical outlet, and yet the only outlet I had was now gone, dead.

Not today...Alice murmured. She's not ready.

My hopes plummeted at this news. She continued to watch the future which spun, twisted and became mangled again.

I wish...

"This is obviously not the time to bring that up," I barked.

I was just going to say I wish she'd wake up soon, Alice's eyes were wide with innocence, and I didn't believe it for a second.

Looking at her eyes, I saw the reflection of my own eyes which were an odd brown, muddy color. Momentarily it caught me off guard, forgetting I was wearing the contacts, even though they continued to obstruct my perfect vision.

I stole my eyes away from her to bring them back to Bella's limp and lumpy form. Her eyes were closed lightly, as if she were very peaceful. Her hair glinted in the bright white light over her face. My remorse and the guilt burned with the thirst, and, if I had the ability to produce tears, they would have filled my eyes. Each second that I continued to count reminded me of the precious soul lying in the bed before us. She was so breakable, and I broke her, she was good and she didn't deserve my fate. My mind was bouncing around like a tennis ball, willing myself to stay away from her, to no longer let my life collide with hers...destroying it in the process.

What have I done? As the hour passed my mind continually would titter on a line of right and wrong. First, my thoughts leaning one way, then the other. Alice was becoming irritated at my constant state of vivid flashes of the future which would crumble every time I changed my mind. Then, when I didn't think the burning could get worse, I imagined her waking up and kicking me out of her room. I had to remind myself that she had every right to hate me, to not trust me with her safety. That she should.

Would you quit! Alice shouted from mind. You aren't going anywhere. I won't let you. Remember, you did save her life.

Her thoughts were confusing and incomprehensible. Did I not place Bella in front of the danger that lurked around her until it struck? Wasn't this all my fault in the first place? Quickly, I decided that the best course of action was to ignore her thoughts.

After an hour had passed Renée entered the room, her mind happily jumping from subject to subject. What books she liked, her favorite movies, how she painted Bella's new room in Florida. Each second, I counted...I angered even more...mostly at myself. I tried ignoring Bella once, letting her go and it didn't work. I remember thinking that there were other options besides her ultimate doom. Now that I am sitting at her bedside, where she was on the brink of death nearly twenty four hours ago, I realized that keeping her in the fragile state would inevitably destroy her.

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