That beeping doesn't sound good. I better go check it out. A different nurse came marching into the room. Maybe she had a remedy that I didn't. She looked over the monitors to see that her regular heart beat, and the insane palpitations that were pulsing wildly through her, were not the same. Wow, she looks like she is in a lot of pain. Jeesh, what a tortured face. . "Time for more pain meds, sweetheart?" she asked sweetly, tapping the IV feed.
"No, no," Bella choked out, the pain still clearly in her tone. "I don't need anything."
Of course, she didn't want to seem weak.
"No need to be brave, honey. It's better if you don't get too stressed out; you need to rest." The nurse waited, but she just shook her head.
"Okay," she sighed. "Hit the call button when you're ready."
This better not be his fault or I'm going to kick him out of the room so she can get some rest. The nurse's stare bore into me, like she was trying to burn a hole through my skull before she glanced at the machinery like she was warning me she could hear it. She left the room. I'll be listening.
Ignoring the overly observant nurse I placed my hands on Bella's face to bring her attention back to our conversation. Her eyes were full of moisture, the look in them wild with unease and anxiety. Her heart was still bounding wildly ahead.
"Shhh, Bella, calm down." I tried to soothe her.
"Don't leave me," she begged me, her voice cracking with the pain. Her pupils dilated in terror as her lips trembled uncontrollably.
When she begged like this, how could I deny her anything? All my plans, all my thoughts...every second of deciding to leave her crumbled into little pieces.
"I won't," I promised. "Now relax before I call the nurse back to sedate you."
Still, her heart continued to thunder along, not relaxing one bit to my words. Great, I was going to give her a heart attack. All my efforts to keep her alive and just the mere thought of my absence would send her over the edge. A second was all it took to change everything: the atmosphere in the room, my mission here, the reason I leaned toward the glorious soul in front of me... What had been for one purpose before was now for another. To stay. To keep her alive. To prevent her heart from exploding with the pain that I was feeling too.
"Bella." I lightly brushed her face apprehensively. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here as long as you need me," I promised.
"Do you swear you won't leave me?" She whispered a small splutter of terror. She was gasping for air as her heart continued to beat out of control, her pulse continuing to reach a danger point.
Her reactions robbed me temporarily of breath. It was oddly disembodying trying to understand her fear, because it was me who couldn't live without her. It shouldn't be the other way around. Before the nurse decides to kick me out of the room I had to calm her down. I took her face between my hands. Her warmth crept up my body slowly as I brought my face only inches from hers before whispering to her, "I swear."
Her breath was filling the air between us. It was very appealing, but in this moment I was too worried about her heart and her breathing. Each second the rhythmic motion of her breath and her heart slowed. I refused to let go of her until she had calmed down. When the monitors had quieted I sighed in relief.
"Better?" I asked, surveying her face.
"Yes," she answered, her voice sounded guarded.
Under my breath I began muttering so low she wouldn't hear me. "Beautiful, insane, overly sensitive girl. What an overreaction." I shook my head.
"Why did you say that?" She whispered.
At first, I didn't know if she actually heard what I had muttered.
"Are you tired of having to save me all the time? Do you want me to go away?"
Again, insane. With increasing desperation I tried to explain to her that I did want her, that it would literally kill me if she went away.
"No, I don't want to be without you, Bella, of course not. Be rational," I added sensibly. "And I have no problem with saving you, either -- if it weren't for the fact that I was the one putting you in danger... that I'm the reason that you're here."
"Yes, you are the reason," she interjected with a frown. "The reason I'm here --alive."
I had less resolution than ever.
"Barely." I choked out. "Covered in gauze and plaster and hardly able to move." I stared down at her like it would force her to mend.
"I wasn't referring to my most recent near-death experience," her voice was slightly irritated.
Staring at her, I tried to read her eyes. Yes, I saved her in the past, but that had nothing to do with the present. She was still in this hospital bed because of me. The silence tautened and strained.
She finally spoke. "I was thinking of the others -- you can take your pick. If it weren't for you, I would be rotting away in the Forks cemetery." Her voice was like an angry drunken titter from all the drugs in her system.
The memories made me wince several times. The van, Port Angeles...my thoughts trailed off, not wanting to think of where she would be if I wasn't there to intercede on her behalf. Then I realized I had already made my decision. I wasn't going to let her leave. If she did I would follow her, even if she was unaware of it. No matter what, I would watch over her, keep her from harm, for as long as I could justify it. Luckily, I don't see how she would ever not need me to keep her safe. I suddenly found myself wishing that her clumsiness would never go away.
I looked at her gauze covered wrist, my original thoughts surfacing. "That's not the worst part, though," I continued, ignoring her previous words of comfort."Not seeing you there on the floor... crumpled and broken." The words caught in my throat. "Not thinking I was too late. Not even hearing you scream in pain -- all those unbearable memories that I'll carry with me for the rest of eternity. No, the very worst was feeling... knowing that I couldn't stop. Believing that I was going to kill you myself," my voice tailed away feebly as the memory of her blood in my mouth, swirling sweetly down my throat, surfaced.