Connor’s arms wrapped around me, and it was then I realized I was sobbing. What was happening to me today? And what on earth did this man do to me? “Shh, Cass, it’s okay. It’s okay. Don’t let that guilt get to you, none of this is on you, you hear me? None of it. Your mom had demons, and that was the only way she knew how to deal with them.”
“But she sounded so much like how she was before Dad died. I loved her then, and I should have been there for her the last nine months.”
“Don’t go down that road. It’s going to eat you alive if you do.” He held me until I stopped sobbing and shaking, then asked quietly, “What did she say to you in the note?” When I sighed and tried to pull back he added quickly, “God, that makes it sound worse. Please forget I’m a detective while we’re together. This isn’t an act, Cassidy, I’ve been thinking about you nonstop since we first left the Bradley house last Saturday. I had no idea you were even still in California, let alone going to be at this coffeehouse this morning. You don’t have to tell me, but I can see how much you need to talk about your past. If you don’t talk about it and this letter, it’ll just get worse.”
Without saying anything, I left my forehead pressed against his chest and reached into my purse to pull out the envelope. I held it up for Connor and was surprised when he shifted me so I was still wrapped in his arms while he opened and read it. My left hand was still curled into a fist against his chest and I slowly uncurled it to lay it flat at the same time I brought my right arm to wrap around his waist. Connor’s arms constricted and for some reason it made my body relax even more into him. This was wrong, I knew it was wrong. I shouldn’t have felt this comfortable, this good, in another man’s arms. It wasn’t like when Tyler held me; even after all that happened between us, it still felt like he was just my best friend and my rock all last week. But Connor? It felt easy, natural even. Which was more confusing than anything. I’d dreamed about him for years, but I hardly knew him and was still convinced he was just playing his part very well in order to get the information he wanted. That had to be it, right? He’d played me with the story of his “childhood”; he knew it’d get me and it did. I hadn’t realized how much I’d craved someone who understood me.
“Cassidy, I have a few more questions regarding your past, and then I’ll stop. Anything you tell me after that will be because you brought it up, all right?”
“Whatever.” I mumbled so softly, I doubt he heard.
“She said she almost killed you, and you said you should have gotten stitches often. They didn’t just hit you with their fists, did they.” It was a statement, not a question. But I still nodded my head. “When I was called out to your house for the possible disturbance, why didn’t you say anything?”
“I told you, I couldn’t be taken from Tyler; he was all I had left in my life after my dad died.”
“I saw it in your eyes, Cass, but without your help I couldn’t do anything about it. I thought about you so much over the next couple years; I should have come back to check on you.”
“I used to dream about you,” I admitted into his chest. “There was something about you and your eyes . . . I don’t know how to explain it. Part of me wished you’d come back and take me away, the rest knew I wouldn’t let you take me away even if you tried.”
His hand slid up and down my back in soothing trails. “The woman who called said she’d heard a woman screaming. Had they hit you that night?”
I nodded slowly, wondering what would have happened that night if I had told him everything. “It got worse after you left.”
Connor froze and his arms tightened around me again. “How?”
“Jeff was convinced I’d somehow called the police, even though I’d been in a room with them for an hour before you even showed. My mother took off her shoes and came after me. Hit me repeatedly over the head with the heel of her stiletto. I wasn’t able to move for hours until Tyler came to come get me.”
“Shit, Cassidy, I’m so sorry,” he whispered, then stayed silent for a minute before asking, “In the letter she said she was rewarded; rewarded how?”
My body stilled and I instantly had to swallow part of my coffee that decided to make its reappearance. “Uh . . .” I licked my dry lips and swallowed again. “Um, sexually,” I whispered into his chest. “Usually, I’d get up and leave, but sometimes I wasn’t able to move and they wouldn’t feel the need to go to their bedroom. So, if I was able, I’d just have to turn my head and try to block out the noise.”
“Jesus Christ,” Connor hissed as his body and one of his arms left me so he could drag his hand down his face while he whispered, “Sick. They were seriously sick, disturbed people. You didn’t deserve that, any of it.” There it was again. That tortured emptiness in his eyes. No way you can learn or fake something like that. It’s just not possible.
“I know that, Connor.” I’d heard it enough times from Tyler to know and believe that before I met Gage, and Gage had only confirmed what Tyler had led me to believe. “And you didn’t either; no one does. Not even my mother.”
His face changed into a mix of shock, awe, and relief, and his blue eyes seemed to brighten. “What is it about you?” he asked himself softly, and brushed some hair away from my face. We stood there studying each other for minutes before he broke the silence. “I’m pretty sure I’ve been looking for you my entire life, Cassidy Jameson.”
Before I could question that, my back was against the wall again and his lips were on mine. A muffled high-pitched groan left me. Connor’s lips were firm and soft all at once, and as they began to move against mine another moan left me at the realization that this ridiculously handsome man could kiss. But he wasn’t Gage. Just as I’d started to push against his chest, he pulled slightly back and his pale blue eyes bounced back and forth between mine.
“Connor, I have a boyfriend,” I blurted out.
He blinked quickly and pulled farther back. “You have a boyfriend.”
“Yeah, in Texas. It’s Tyler’s cousin.”
“Where is he?”
“In Texas,” I said slowly, making sure he heard me, since apparently he hadn’t the first time.
Connor shook his head like I wasn’t getting it. “Cassidy, does he know about your past?” He still hadn’t released his hold on me, but thankfully he wasn’t so close that I was worried he was about to kiss me again.
“He’s known since the day I met him; that’s the person Tyler told.”
“Right.” Connor nodded and stepped closer. “Then tell me why the hell he isn’t here with you now. If you were my girl, no way would I let you walk into your personal hell without me right there beside you.”
“He doesn’t even know why I’m here though, I just left.”
That crooked smile was back and he leaned in, kissing me harder this time, letting his lean, muscled body press against me. “You aren’t helping your argument,” he whispered against my lips.
“I don’t understand,” I whispered back, “I thought you were just doing this to get answers about the fire and that night the police were called.”
“No, Cassidy. I told you I have thought about you every minute since I left you that first day and I have been thinking of ways to see you. But seeing as you didn’t give me your number, I thought it would be a little much to just show up unannounced. You’re incredibly beautiful, Cassidy—God, you’re so beautiful. Even when you’d had no sleep and had a black eye, I had to continuously remind myself to not just sit there and stare at you. And I didn’t realize who you were until the last time we came to visit; the way you opened the door and looked up at me was what finally brought that night back to me.”
“Connor—”
“Today, I swear to you I thought I was seeing things, because that’s how bad I wanted to see you again. And you looked so different,” he mumbled as he ran a hand through my hair. “No matter what you do, you look amazing. And then you tell me about your past, one that makes mine look like I spent it at Disneyland, and you say we didn’t deserve what happened to us, and neither did your mom. Your mother, who did all of those things to you for all those years. And you cried for the woman she was before, and who she was when she died. Cassidy, I gotta tell you, I thought your beauty was only skin-deep when I saw you the morning of the fire, when I figured out your past. I thought you were wasting it when I thought you were in an abusive relationship. Now, after today, God, I know your beauty goes straight through to your soul. It’s rare to find someone like you, and until a few minutes ago I hadn’t realized I’d been looking for someone just like you. Someone who understands my past, someone with your heart; and as an added bonus, you don’t let people intimidate you, and by ‘people’ I mean me and Sanders.” He smiled crookedly. “And I just know the more I get to know you, the more I’m gonna find that I like.”
My heart was pounding in my chest and I couldn’t stop looking into his smiling blue eyes. The butterflies in my stomach intensified and I knew I was in trouble. “Connor,” I murmured around his mouth, which was on mine again, “I’m in love with Gage. I’m going to marry him.”
“Are you engaged?” He leaned back suddenly.
“No, but we both know we’re going to get married. We talk about it often.” Or at least I think about it often.
“Then why wouldn’t you tell him where you were going, especially when it’s something like this? Have you even talked to him since you’ve been here?”
I bit the corner of my bottom lip and looked to the side. When he smirked again I couldn’t stop myself from saying, “He’s the reason I had the black eye.”
Connor’s body went solid and his face fell.
“But it’s not like you think, it’s exactly how Tyler and I told you. There was this huge fight, and I saw Gage in the middle of it and I freaked. I hate violence, and I couldn’t stand to see him hitting his friend. I wanted to yell at him to stop. Thinking about it now, I doubt it would’ve done any good anyway. All the guys were yelling at each other, girlfriends were shrieking at their boyfriends to stop, and the music was playing. But I tried to yell, I just couldn’t get my voice to work. So I didn’t think, I just ran in and tried to pull him off. He wasn’t facing me and didn’t know it was me. I’d been in the other room and as far as he knew I was just another guy getting ready to fight him. He flung his elbow back and turned around to throw a punch and that’s when he saw me. It killed him, knowing he did that to me, but all I could see was the look on his face and my past came rushing back to me. Now that’s all I can see when I look at or think about him. Tyler called to tell me about the house just a few hours later. So I did what I do best: I left.”