Connor’s arms dropped and understanding covered his face.
“I am in love with Gage. I just need to figure out how to not see that look on his face every time I look at him from here on out. Until then, I know he’ll just continue to torture himself knowing he hurt me that way.”
“Talk, Cassidy.”
“Um . . . I am talking . . .”
He shook his head. “That’s exactly what I meant about needing to talk about your past, and now that letter. If you keep it inside, they’ll remain demons for you the exact way your mom had her own demons. Those demons will take away every happy thing in your life. You need to talk about it. If you don’t, you’ll always see your boyfriend the way you saw him during the fight.” Connor blew out a deep breath and ran a hand over his face. “Shit,” he mumbled, “all right, I get it, you love him.” He handed the envelope back to me and pulled me into his arms. “You want to marry Gage, Gage should be the one you talk to. You need someone who understands what you went through, you have my card. And I’ll behave from now on.” He grinned at me and kissed my forehead and left his lips there as he spoke. “Unless you’re single. Then it’s fair game and I’m fighting for my turn next.”
I laughed and pushed him back, noting that I hated the loss of his arms around me. And hating that I hated that.
“That letter, Cass? Don’t let it get to you. Like I said, she had demons and that’s how she thought she needed to take care of them. You’re beautiful inside and out, so I know you’ll be able to find the beauty in what your mother thought she was doing for you. She thought she was giving you a new life, Cassidy. Don’t let them ruin this one too.”
My heart swelled and my vision blurred.
“Would it be too much to ask if you wanted to finish your coffee with me? You have a boyfriend, I already got that, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to spend time with you.” Connor wiped a tear from my cheek and took a step toward the side door.
With my history of feelings for this man, and how my stomach fluttered and heart picked up its pace when he looked at me, it was probably not the best idea. But as long as he kept to himself, then having someone like Connor to talk to would be a godsend. “I guess it’s good I have a lot of free time then.”
He gave me a full-blown blinding smile and my heart stopped; my arms and lips tingled. Yeah—this was a bad idea.
Chapter Fifteen
GAGE
LOOKING AROUND AT my family, I couldn’t help but notice someone was missing. It’d been two weeks. Two. Weeks. And not one word from Cassidy.
“Anything?” I asked Tyler, even though I already knew the answer.
“No, man, I’m sorry. Called Mom before the ceremony; she was asleep in the guest room.”
I nodded and tried to swallow past the lump in my throat. I’d just graduated and we were now out to lunch, but I couldn’t even attempt to smile or be happy about it. My entire world was in freakin’ California and not talking to me. My family had come out yesterday, so they all knew what happened with her, and it was safe to say no one looked particularly thrilled right now. Amanda, Nikki, and Emily were pissed because they thought it was all my fault, which it was. Emily reasoned in her little princess voice that if I hadn’t been a mean boyfriend and hurt Cassi she wouldn’t have run away. I’d thought Cassidy had taken my heart with her; I was wrong. Because my baby sister definitely let me know I still had it when she helped break it a little more. Mom and Dad just looked worried, whether for Cassidy or myself, I didn’t know. Needless to say, things were strained right now.
“We really are so proud of you, son,” my mom said with a pained smile.
“Yeah, congrats, Gage,” the three girls mumbled at the same time.
I glanced at Tyler anxiously and he just shook his head and leaned in close. “She’s not calling me or answering my calls either. But Mom and Dad are watching her. I don’t know what happened but Mom said she looks a lot better all of a sudden and she’s been gone from the house a lot. It shouldn’t be long, Gage, she’ll come back.” He clapped my shoulder and leaned back in his chair.
The weird thing about all this was it brought me and Ty together again. Like he said he would, he’d kept me updated. He’d texted me every day he was in California and came to my house the minute he got back in Texas to tell me everything he hadn’t been able to say through texts. During this last week, he’d continued to give me every update his mom and dad gave him, and we’d actually spent time just catching up while he helped me pack up the house. I’d made Tyler pack up Cassidy’s things; I couldn’t stand seeing them untouched. For once, he actually wanted Cass and me to be together, but I was beginning to think it was too late.
“So you graduated college, what are you gonna do now?” Dad asked as he leaned back in his chair.
“What do you mean? I’m going back to the ranch.” Not like this was news. That had been the plan my entire life; that’s why he’d helped me build my house on the ranch. The house I’d finished last Christmas, with Cassidy still in mind even though she had been with Tyler.
Dad just nodded and wiped food from his lips and massive mustache. “You can do that, if you want.”
“If I want,” I deadpanned.
“Think it’s safe to say I’m speaking for the whole family: we’d rather you go to California and bring home our girl first.”
Four sets of female eyes snapped to my face and brightened.
“Dad, she left. Again.” I tried once more to clear that lump out of my throat and barely got the next words out. “It’s over.” Pain worse than I’d ever felt seared through my chest as I realized the truth of those two words.
“Doesn’t look like it from where I’m sitting,” he said, and played with his knife. “Now, almost everything from your place is already in the trucks. We’ll finish and take it all to the ranch. It’ll be there by the time you bring her back to Texas.”
Tyler had his phone out and to his ear. “Mom, is she—yeah, he did. I’ll tell him.” He turned to look at me. “She said congratulations.” When I nodded he put the phone back to his ear and said, “He said thanks. Is Cassi still there? All right, thanks. Yeah, love you too. Bye.” After setting his phone on the table he looked at me. “She ran out to get some coffee.”
“I could hear her.”
“Gage, you might as well go to her,” Tyler continued. “It’s been long enough and she needs you just as much as you need her.”
Before I realized what he was doing, my dad threw a credit card down in front of me. “Give me the keys to your place. Like I said, it’ll all be at the ranch by the time you get back. Now get gone.”
I fumbled with my key ring, my hands shaking so bad I wanted to toss the whole thing at him, but I still needed my truck keys to drive. When I finally got the house key off, I kissed the girls on their cheeks and ran out of the restaurant. This was it. This was the last time I could put myself out there for her. If she turned from me when I got there, it would be over. I would always love her; she would always be the girl I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. But there are only so many times you can handle heartbreak with someone before you have to start protecting yourself.
I was at the airport in no time, but the only nonstop flight had just left, and the earliest they could get me there with the different connecting flights was seven hours. At least it was faster than driving. Handing over the card without a second’s hesitation, I paid for the ticket. I got strange looks from the woman at the ticket counter and the TSA agents when they realized I didn’t have a bag, but I didn’t care. I just needed to get Cassidy.
CASSIDY
CONNOR OPENED THE door as soon as I started knocking. “Hey, everything okay? Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you called, but I was surprised you wanted to . . . come . . . over . . . holy shit.” He breathed the last words and his pale blue eyes slowly danced over my body before coming up to meet my gaze. “Cassidy, you look amazing.”
I looked down at my light purple threadbare racer-back tank and tiny black shorts. “Oh, um, thank you.” I knew how he felt. He was wearing a pair of gray slacks and a black button-up shirt with a gray tie. The tie had been loosened quite a bit, the top two buttons of his shirt undone, and his sleeves were rolled up to his forearms. He looked delicious. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah, of course.”
Connor and I had ended up talking at the coffeehouse for hours that Wednesday, and though I hadn’t seen him since then, we’d talked and texted every day. Sometimes about our pasts, sometimes about my fears with Gage, his fears that he’d never find a woman who understood his past, and other times just to get to know everything about each other. I’d never been able to talk to anyone like I could talk to Connor. I’d thought I could talk to Tyler and Gage about anything, but after meeting Connor I realized there was something about our sharing our past that brought us together on a level I would never have with either of them. There was something about it that was just . . . nice, and wanted.
He opened the door to his apartment wider to let me through, then shut and locked it behind us. “So what’s going on?”
“Are you going to work? Or am I interrupting something?”
He huffed a laugh and grinned crookedly. “No, I just got home after being on for thirty-six hours.”
“Oh my God, Connor! You need to go to sleep, you shouldn’t have let me come over.” I started toward the door. “Wait, thirty-six hours? Why were you talking to me? You should have been working. Was I keeping you from your job?”
His smile softened and his pale blue eyes seemed to dance as he took a step toward me and wrapped me in his arms, pressing his forehead to mine. “I only talked to you when I had free time. You didn’t interfere. I got the confession I needed, and we told the family this morning that the killer was caught.” I inhaled audibly and his hand came up to brush my cheek. “You, Cassidy, could never be a bad distraction. When we had a minute, you were there for me to talk to; when we took breaks to eat or drink coffee, you were there. When I felt like I needed to take a step back from the case to clear my head, then go back in fresh, you were there. Now I’m home, and you’re here. Honestly, I can’t remember a time in my life when I was as happy as I’ve been since this last Wednesday.”
My heart was pounding and the butterflies in my stomach were full force, which I was starting to think was the norm when it came to Connor. I let my fingers brush under his eyes, having just noticed the dark circles there. “You need to sleep, Connor,” I whispered.
“I will.” His lips brushed against my wrist and I actually had to force down a whimper. “Is it okay if I change?”
I leaned away from him. “How long have you been home?”
He pulled me back and rested his forehead against mine again. “Long enough to take my jacket off.”