“Except it’s just you and me, and Jake. Only a few degrees apart.”
Her blue eyes were far sharper today than they had been at the bar, not red-rimmed, no dark smudges beneath them, despite the choking cigarette smoke. Jane’s body was almost humming, vibrating at some high frequency, some frantic energy running through her. I remembered Stacy had said she had done drugs...still did drugs.
Those blue eyes were locked on mine now. “And that really pisses you off, doesn’t it?”
“I’d be lying if I said I was happy about it.” I wasn’t sure where this conversation was going. All I wanted now was to be away from Jane, from this dingy apartment, from the stinging sense that I’d been made a fool of by Jake. But I needed one more answer.
Jane gave me a catty smile. “Looks like the nice girl finishes last here, all dressed in her pretty little skirt and blouse.”
“That depends.” I took a deep breath, disregarding the potential for immediately contracting lung cancer.
“Are you his sub, or just a friend with benefits?” I held her gaze, saw her eyes widen just a fraction. I willed myself not to blink and for once, bluffed my way through.
Jane sat back, her intensity lessening slightly. But something else filled the gap.
“I don’t think it would be good for my mental health if I went back to being Jake’s sub, do you?” She took a deep drag from the cigarette, crushing the latest on top of the still-smoldering butt of the previous cigarette.
“Let’s call us f**k buddies then. That’s good enough for me and apparently it’s good enough for Jake.”
She blew a stream of smoke in my face.
I fled the apartment.
I called Chase as soon as I got home, for no other reason than to hear his voice. It was early, for him; he was still at the condo.
“Are you okay? Abby, what’s happened?”
“I saw Jane...” My voice cracked, tears spilling down my face.
“Abby. Listen to me. You do not go see her anymore, regardless what Stacy tells you. Jane’s not stable and you’re not safe. And don’t go seeing Jake either, in some attempt to make this right, or make sense of it, or whatever you think you should do. Call him, if you need to talk to him. But don’t go see him. I’d forbid it if I thought it would do any good, but I know it won’t.” There was a pause.
“I hate to think of you with him, for any reason. You know that. It drives a knife right through my heart.”
I was crying too hard to reply.
“Abby? Do you hear me?” Chase’s voice was insistent.
“Yes, Chase. I do.” My voice was barely a whisper.
“Come here, Abby. Come over to the condo. I’ll stay home tonight, let Stacy handle the club again. Serves her right for getting in the middle of this. I have half a mind...”
“Don’t, Chase. Don’t be mad at Stacy. She’s only trying to help.” I sniffed a little, my tears slowing.
“Fine. But come see me, please. I don’t care if you’ve decided to never see me again...you’re upset and I don’t want you to be alone tonight.”
I hesitated briefly.
I did want to see Chase.
This was the end.
There would be no Jake and I. It was over.
“I’ll be there in a little bit. There’s something I need to do first.”
“Fine. I’ll call Stacy. Take care of whatever you need to, do it quick. I’ll be here waiting.”
When I pulled up to Jake’s house, there was a car parked beneath the portico, not one of Jake’s, but a battered and rusty car of indeterminate make. I parked behind it, running through the wind-driven rain to the door to the house, ringing the bell.
I peered through the glass of the door, watching for Jake to appear, ringing the bell again. The wind was blowing in erratic gusts, fine waves of rain drifting over me, making me shiver.
“Abby, what are you doing here?”
I whirled around, almost colliding with Jake. He was behind me, the door to the tower room open, light spilling onto the driveway, casting his face in shadow. He was shirtless and barefoot, wearing the cotton sweat pants that were so familiar to me. I blinked in confusion.
“Jake. You scared me. I...” I stopped. There was movement behind Jake.
Over his shoulder, in the doorway to the tower room, I saw a flash of scarlet. Jane was leaning against doorframe, with her ever-present cigarette, thin wisps of smoke caught in the wind. Wearing nothing but the short silk robe she’d worn when I saw her in her apartment, not more than a couples hours earlier.
My eyes flew back to Jake’s face. “You have her here? Now? I just left her apartment!” I felt tears welling in my eyes.
“Abby, it’s not what it looks like...” Jake took a step closer, the light from the house catching his features.
I looked up at him, at the man I thought I loved, the man I had been willing to give up everything to be with. Even the love of another good man...even willing to give up Chase.
Jake’s beautiful face was a kaleidoscope of emotions. I watched as he fought down fear and shock...shock, I suppose at seeing me, at being caught with Jane. Fear...of being caught in a lie? I wasn’t sure. Things were happening too fast.
Then something else took over inside Jake. His face softened and he moved toward me, reaching out to touch my arm.
“Abby, honey. You’re here, that’s all that matters. I love you. Whatever else you think, it’s not important. I love you, and you love me. There’s nothing else that matters.”
He took another step closer. I backed up, my shoulders hitting the door behind me.
“Stop, Jake. No...don’t...” I put my hands up, no idea what his intentions were, wanting to ward him off, push him away. But I ended up with my hands on his chest, the warmth of his bare skin beneath my fingers. Instinctively I clenched my hands, trying to pull my fingers away.
But Jake grabbed my wrists, holding me fast, his grip like steel.
“Abby, you have to understand. I love you. She’s...” he looked over his shoulder at Jane “...she’s nothing.”
He pulled my hands up to his lips, kissing my knuckles. “I was scared, scared that you were gone. I was desperate, needed someone...she was the only one I could think of to use...” His voice trailed off.
“You’re lying. I’ve had enough. Let me go, Jake. You have what you want. You have Jane.” I felt anger, pain...fear...welling up inside of me. But mostly anger. Something snapped.
“You’ve been with her for the past week, Jake. Or didn’t your little f**k buddy tell you that I knew that?” I craned my neck, looking past Jake’s shoulder.
Jane was still standing in the doorway watching, smoking her cigarette, or her second or third cigarette. There was a smile on her full lips, something terrible that didn’t quite reach her eyes. I shuddered with the realization she’d set this whole thing up, knowing exactly what I’d do after I left her. Knowing I’d confront Jake. She’d played me for a fool.
I looked back to Jake. His face had changed, something dark behind his eyes. His fingers dug into my wrists.
“I talked to Jane...today. I left you here, last Saturday morning. And the next thing you do is go find her and sleep with her. And now...” I stopped for a breath.
“You’ve been sleeping with her for the past week.”
Something changed in Jake’s expression. A calculating look passed over his eyes.
“I love you, Abby. You know that.” His voice was low, that husky sexy voice that did...had...done things to me. But now it scared me.
“I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you.” He pulled me close to him, his body against mine. I felt the heat of his skin against me and then the pressure of his erection, pressing against my stomach. I pulled hard, wrenching my wrists from his hands, pulling away. I was disgusted now, angry and scared. I stumbled from beneath the portico roof toward my car, cold rain hitting my face, mixing with the tears that were running down my cheeks.
Jake was right behind me, his bare feet slapping on the wet pavement.
“I love you. We can fix this...whatever is wrong. I just made a mistake...I love you. You love me. We can fix this...”
I spun around, my anger flaring, pushing back the fear. I pointed back to the tower room door. I could see Jane, silhouetted against the light from the portico, watching us.
“She said it...Jane said something to me the first time I met her...that some things just can’t be fixed with love. That’s us, Jake...this. Nothing can fix us, not all the love in the world. It’s over. It’s ended. You ended it, Jake, when you brought her back here. If you can’t see that...”
The rain was coming down harder now, sharp drops stinging my face. I reached for the car door, had it open, when Jake reached past me, slamming it shut.
“No! This isn’t how it ends. Not like this.” The rain was running down his face, flattening his hair. He pulled me against him, hard. He forced his mouth against mine in a brutal kiss. I pulled away in revulsion. I wanted to gag.
“I’ll make her leave. I’ll send Jane away.” His breath was harsh against my face.
“Jake, stop!” I took a deep breath, to bring myself under control. The fear was back, a panicky feeling bubbling up inside. Everything was spinning out of control.
I twisted out of his grip, wrenching the car door open. I scrambled inside, slamming the door, hitting the locks, fumbling with the key in the ignition.
The shower of broken glass, followed by a gust of cold wind-blown rain made me scream. Jake’s hand jutting through the broken driver’s side window, blood dripping from cut knuckles. He made a grab for me, my hair or arm, I wasn’t sure. The car roared to life and I threw it into gear, jamming my foot on the gas, careening down the circular driveway.
I glanced in the rearview mirror. Jake was still standing in the rain, silhouetted against the light from the portico.
I rang the bell, and then knocked on Chase’s door. He opened it, took one look at me and folded me into his arms. My knees gave out, the last of my energy draining away, and I crumpled against him.
He scooped me up, taking me down the hall to his bedroom. With infinite care, he set me on the bed, fingers swiftly working to pull off my sodden clothes.
“Just a minute.” He went to the bathroom, quickly back with a towel. He wiped my face, pushed the dripping hair off my forehead.
“Can you tell me what happened?” The calm sound of his voice, his sure and gentle touch brought me back from where ever I’d been during the drive over.
“It was Jake...” That was all I managed to get out. All the fear and anger washed away, leaving me shaking uncontrollably.
Chase had my blouse and skirt off in seconds, pulling back the covers, helping me lie down, the blankets tucked around me. He lay down next to me, fully clothed. Even though I was cold and shaking, I pushed the blankets aside, reaching for Chase, wanting his warmth, not the warmth of the blankets.
“Hold me, Chase, please.” He pulled me against him, his fingers smoothing the damp tangles of my hair away from my face.
He held me for a long time, saying nothing, just cradling me against his body. Slowly the shaking stopped. I struggled to sit up and he shifted next to me, pushing himself up against the head of the bed.