CHAPTER ONE
Julia
Julia had just dropped her course catalog on her bed when from behind her came a low growl.
"Don't move," the voice said.
She froze. Her notebook tumbled from her fingers to the floor and spilled loose pages everywhere. After only a split second, before she could decide whether or not to turn around, strong arms came around her chest and gripped her tightly. She gasped as hot lips grazed her neck, the touch electrifying her nerves and giving away the identity of the intruder as the connection between them sprang into clear focus.
"Haven't I told you not to sneak up on me like that?" she said.
"Well, but I never thought you meant it. Besides," he said, nuzzling her hair, "you deserve it."
"Deserve it?" Julia wanted to turn around, but Damien's hands were moving over her body in such a delicious way ...
"Of course you deserve it. For letting a blind man sneak up on you. Again!"
"First off, you can't very well call yourself blind," Julia said, leaning back into his embrace as his teeth nibbled at her ear. "You can sense me better than I—"
"I am legally blind." Damien said. "Furthermore, one sense does not replace another. I would give my left ear—"
"To see my right tit, yes, I know," Julia said, grinning as she spun around to face her mate. She couldn't stop a flash of sympathy from crossing her heart when she saw again the white scars that crisscrossed his eyes, the misted irises speckled gold that gleamed amber when he kissed her. He was always more wolflike in bed.
"I don't want your pity," Damien said, clasping her hands to his chest. His eyebrows were dark slashes across his forehead.
"Don't spy—"
"It's not spying. I can't help it. I want things to be open between us."
"It's only open in one direction," Julia said. She hoped that she did not sound too petulant. "I'm looking the wrong way into a one-way mirror here."
"I tell you everything that I feel," Damien said.
"You tell me some of the things you feel," Julia said. "Not all."
"No?"
"Not what you're feeling when you smell Mara go by after a workout." Julia cocked her head.
Damien closed his eyes.
"Julia ... "
"You don't need to explain," she said, snapping down on the thought she hadn't meant to let slip out.
"It's different," Damien said. "I don't love her. Hell, I don't even like her. It's a purely physical reaction."
"As opposed to what? All of the NON-physical emotions that I must have?" Julia said. She hadn't meant to start a fight, but now that he was on the defensive, she was too.
"No, you're right," Damien said. "It's not fair. I need to stop getting so upset."
"I'm sorry," Julia said, feeling guilty for her sarcasm and frustration at knowing Damien could already sense her guilt. "I know it's physical for you., It's physical for me too, when I look at your face." She placed both her hands on his cheeks, her thumbs stoking the seams lightly. "But of course there's more than pity. There's love. I hope you feel that."
"I do. I want you to be able to feel it from me too."
"That's impossible."
She said it softly. But he winced as she spoke the last word as though she had slapped him across the face.
"I'm sorry," she said again, the words spinning off helplessly into the air between them that now seemed so thick. He sighed and touched her face.
"I only wish I could see all of the beautiful parts of you that I can feel." He caressed her cheek with one hand, the fingers sliding down rapidly to her breast and cupping the weight there as he grinned. A wolf's grin. Julia knew then that the argument was over.
"But for now," he said, moving his hands lower, "I'll just have to feel twice as much."
"Oh, really?" Julia said, laughing as his hands wrapped around her waist and cupped her ass, pulling her against his body. She could feel his length through his pants, already growing hard. "Twice as much?"
"Maybe three times as much," Damien said, squeezing her ass as he picked her up entirely. Julia was pinned against his body, and she wriggled in his grasp.
"Put me down!" she gasped. Damien's face was pressed between her br**sts, his nose nuzzling her skin.
"Whatever you want," Damien said, throwing her down onto the bed and jumping on top of her. She barely had time to yelp before his hands were moving all over her, tearing her clothes off as he forced kisses down her neck.
"Damien! Ohh!" Julia twisted under him, hiding her smile. It was fun to play this game with him, for while he had the strength to pin her completely, he could also sense Julia's emotions and react accordingly. She enjoyed wrestling with him more than she cared to admit.
His mouth kissed her shoulder, her chest, slid over her n**ples, sucking until she cried out with the thrilling pain of it, then continued on, biting her on the neck gently, like a wolf admonishing a pup, then harder, sucking and licking her skin until she was breathless. His dark hair fell over his eyes and tickled her body when he bent down and kissed her hard, so that she was laughing through the kiss, then gasping, gasping for air.
"Damien!"
Strong fingers pushed aside her underwear and she felt him press his hand against her there. She moaned. Already she was wet with desire. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine the sensations Damien must be feeling when he met her body with his, blind to light. The feel of skin on skin. The warmth of breath. The sweet sighs and moans that rose from both of them, intertwining.
But if he felt her emotions, he must feel this too. Julia let herself sink into the sensation of Damien as he slid into her slowly, filling her. Her lips fell apart in a soundless groan. He stopped halfway and she reached up, pulling his h*ps forward into her, but he had her pinned.
"Please," she said. "Please."
He kissed her mouth, waited one more second, then eased in farther. God, he was so big. He stretched her out, but then retreated, beginning a slow thrusting rhythm that was unlike most of their lovemaking. Their first time making love had been fast, furious, brutal almost. Julia arched her h*ps up now as he pushed forward, then back, slowly, oh-so-slowly.
"Slow," he said, and it was both a command and a caress.
She rocked with him, then, the burning pressure mounting slowly as their rhythms began to match. Just as she felt herself about to crest, he pulled back.
"Torture," she gasped.
"Slow torture," Damien agreed, kissing her forehead as he thrust upward just a bit more, eliciting another gasp from her body. "For me, too."
"Oh, god, Damien, please—"
Her words faded as he thrust again, harder, penetrating deep into her core. She wanted it, yes, she wanted him. He began to rock harder into her body, still slowly, aiming at the perfect angle that pressed against her body, slicking over her sensitive flesh. Every thrust brought on a new bout of pressure, the ache within her building, building ...
"Should I stop before ... "
"No!" Julia pulled Damien close to her, her body clenching around him. He thrust once more, deeply, sending her tumbling into ecstasy, her mind unwinding, spinning out. Her eyes clenched shut, she saw stars still, blindingly white flashes that lifted her up. She gasped, the release so blissful she could not breathe.
He came after her, the shudder from his body rippling against her skin as he paused in cli**x. She opened her eyes to see him above her, his nose grazing hers. His eyes were open, too, and in them she saw a burning amber glow that flared brightly as he spasmed inside of her once, then again.
Damien kissed her lips softly, and she was surprised to feel him trembling. He rolled off of her, sighing in satisfaction as his head lay down on the pillow.
"Come here, love," he said. Julia snuggled up into the crook of his shoulder, her hand against his chest. They rested in silence for a minute, Damien's arms folded protectively around Julia. His breaths came at regular intervals, his unseeing eyes open to the ceiling.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked suddenly. "You're lost in thought."
Damien reached down and touched her belly, his fingers hesitant.
"I know you say you want children," Damien said. "If we keep doing this, though, it might happen sooner rather than later."
"We don't even know if it's possible yet," Julia said, turning her chin up to look at him. "You said yourself that shifters can't breed with humans."
"You're not human," Damien said.
"I sure as hell can't shift," Julia said.
"No?" Damien nuzzled her neck.
"I've been trying. It's not there. I don't know if that changes things. Maybe we can't even have children at all." Damien frowned, and Julia knew that he was sensing her conflicted feelings. She loved him, that much was certain, and the thought that they might not be able to have a baby was heartbreaking. That Damien would have to live as a shifter without her was equally heartbreaking, if she couldn't figure out how to shift from her human form.
"I hope we can," Damien said. "I just want you to be ready for it, in case—"
"If it happens, it happens," Julia said. The thought of starting a family with Damien made her happy. Nervous, but happy.
"What about your school?" Damien asked. "You've just started ... "
"I'll manage," Julia said firmly. "Not having to work at the library anymore gives me so much free time. And don't forget, you'll be changing half of the diapers."
"Change diapers?" Damien said. "How can I change diapers? I'm blind!"
"I'm pretty sure you'll be able to do it by scent," Julia giggled. Damien groaned, slapping his forehead with one hand.
"So you're not pregnant yet, right?" Damien asked. He smiled, but his expression underneath was serious.
"How would I know?" Julia said. "I haven't missed a period yet, if that's what you mean."
"I've always heard that you can tell right when it happens," Damien said. "Maybe it's different with us."
"Us?"
"Shifters, I mean," Damien said. "I just mean, maybe you—"
"I get it," Julia said flatly. She hated when he referred to shifters as us. She already felt excluded from the pack. And now this was just one more way in which she was different from the rest of them. Different from him. As though it wasn't enough that she wouldn't be able to stay with him as a wolf when he grew older. She'd never really felt at home in her own body anyway, and the way Damien talked made her feel as though there was something wrong with her. Missing.
Damien was her perfect mate, her one true love. The connection she felt with him was truly unbreakable. But at times like these, she was so far removed from his experience that it seemed not even their connection could hold them together. Not for the first time since their bonding ceremony, she felt as though she were disappointing him by being only human.
"I need to go pick out my classes," she said, and rolled upright, pulling her clothes back on quickly. She couldn't figure out how to explain herself to him without hurting him. It wasn't Damien's fault that she couldn't shift, after all.