Chapter 17
Andrea
I couldn’t move as Tanner’s harsh words settled over me, seeping through my skin and digging in deep, below the muscles and bone. I stared at him as this God-awful burn started in the pit of my stomach and crawled up to my chest, getting lodged there.
I wanted to fire back with something clever. I wanted to act like his words didn’t bother me and what he thought didn’t matter. I wanted to tell him that I didn’t care about being a mess and being single, but I couldn’t get my tongue to work. It was glued to the roof of my mouth and his face had started to blur.
A tense moment passed and then Tanner cursed under his breath. He lifted a hand and ran it over his head as he looked away, a muscle flexing along the strong cut of his jaw. “Andrea, I—”
“Don’t,” I cut in, my voice shaking. I wasn’t sure what I was telling him not to do, but the last thing I wanted to hear was an apology. Even though my thoughts were a little fuzzy, I knew you couldn’t own those words and then take them back. But under that hurt, the truth was just as painful, if not more. It wasn’t like I was a victim in all of this. Tanner’s words were harsh, but they were dipped in fact, and even being half-drunk, I could recognize that.
And that’s what made all of this so much harder to swallow.
“You can’t take that back,” I whispered. “You can’t take that back.”
He flinched.
I drew in air, but it seemed to get stuck in my throat. A series of fine shivers rolled down my back. “Fuck you, Tanner.”
Setting the bottle on the counter, I turned and started walking toward the steps. My hands shook.
Tanner wheeled around, blocking my path. His eyes were wide. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said, not like that.”
His words hit and bounced off. “Get out of my way.”
“Andrea—”
“Get out of my way!” I screamed so loudly that a streak of pain shot down my throat. I stumbled back as the tips of my fingers started to tingle. “I get it. Okay? You regret being with me—”
“Wait. What? I never said that, Andrea. I don’t regret a moment of being with you,” he said, shaking his head. “If you don’t believe me, I’ll walk right out there and tell both of them exactly what we did and what it meant to me.”
I laughed, but the sound also got caught around the knot in my throat. For the tiniest moment, it felt like I couldn’t breathe. Even though I knew I could, knew I was breathing right then, my lungs seized up. It was like vise clamps had been secured around my chest and tightened. The tingling spread up my arms as the corners of my vision started to dim. Blood pounded through me as my heart rate kicked into overdrive.
Tanner was talking, but I wasn’t hearing him. There was a roaring in my ears, drowning him out. I tried to side-step him, but stumbled and lost my balance. I bumped into the wall. He reached for me, but I needed to get out of there. I needed to go upstairs. I needed my medication.
The sliding glass door opened, and it sounded like a high-pitched whine to my suddenly sensitive ears. Air wheezed in and out.
“What’s going on in here?” Kyler asked from somewhere in the kitchen, and it sounded like he yelled it, as if his voice boomed like thunder.
“He won’t…let me go…upstairs,” I mumbled, leaning against the wall. “I need…to go…upstairs.”
The room spun as I pushed off the wall, my legs shaking as I reached the step. I thought I heard Syd’s voice, but they now sounded far away, somewhere back in a tunnel. I needed to get upstairs, so I could breathe. I needed to breathe.
A hand landed on my arm, but I kept going. Pure determination drove me up the stairs and toward the bedroom. My purse…it was somewhere in the room with my meds.
“Andrea, what the hell is going on with you?” Tanner was right behind me, his voice coming back in, loud and clear.
Please. Just go away. Please. Just go away. I wasn’t sure if I spoke those words out loud or not. I thought I did. I needed to, because the room, the world, needed to go quiet so that I could make this stop.
I stumbled across the room, toward the dresser, but I didn’t see my purse. Where was it? God, I needed to find it. I was frantic. Had I not brought it with me? Did I leave it somewhere? Panic exploded in my gut like buckshot. It was going to happen. I could feel it building at the base of my neck.
“Leave me alone,” I said, and as I spun around, I saw Tanner standing just inside the room, but I didn’t really see him. “Leave me alone!”
Tanner
I froze, hands at my sides as I stared at Andrea. I had no idea what was happening. I didn’t even know if she knew what was going on. Was she that drunk? Fuck. I wanted to help her, but I didn’t know how.
I stepped toward her and then immediately stopped as she shrieked, “Leave me alone!”
I halted once more. Something was very wrong with Andrea. Her face was flushed, too red. Her eyes were glazed over, maybe from the drinks, but they were darting too fast. Even from where I stood, I could tell her pupils were dilated. My stomach dropped and a horrible, insidious thought crept in. Was she on something?
“What can I do?” I asked. “Tell me what I can do to help you.”
Andrea shook her head and then she doubled over, folding her arms across her waist. Concern overrode any other thought. I moved forward, but a smaller form shot past me, heading straight for her.
It was Sydney.
She rushed to Andrea’s side, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Come on, Andrea, take a deep breath. You need to stop and take a deep breath.”
Andrea was trembling so badly that Sydney was shaking. “I need…”
Either Andrea’s legs gave out or Sydney had gotten her to the floor, because they were both huddled there. “What’s happening?” I asked.
Sydney didn’t answer. She was focused on Andrea.
One of her small hands was on the center of Andrea’s back, the other above her chest. “Take a deep, slow breath. That’s all you’ve got to do. Take a breath…”
Never in my life had I ever felt so damn helpless as I stood there, watching them. I was trained to help save people, to rush into burning buildings and use instruments to pry open the mangled wreckage of vehicles. I’d given CPR and stopped gushing wounds, but I never felt more useless than I did then.
“I need…” Andrea gasped out between a broken-sounding sob. “…my meds…”