I did not want to think about him. I did not want to think about how wonderful it had been the few fucking hours that I’d had him. And I sure as hell did not want to think about how…how nice it had been to just talk with him, to have that bond that I thought went beyond sex. And I really, super-duper did not want to think about how pathetic he must believe I was, because here I was, in love with him, and there he was, probably counting down the days until we would leave. Not that I’d told him that I loved him. Thank God. Anyway, I didn’t want to think about any of that.
“So what are you guys doin’ tomorrow?” I asked, and then grinned, because I was positive I didn’t slur my words.
Syd shrugged dainty shoulders. “I don’t know. What’s on the schedule, Kyler?”
“Spending all day in bed,” he replied.
I laughed—loudly.
She pursed her lips. “Yeah. No.”
He pouted, and I admitted to myself that Kyler looked good with a pout. A man pout. Ha. “Whatever you want to do, Syd. I’m at your service,” he added.
A grin crossed her face. “I like the way that sounds.” Looking at me, she shrugged again. “I really don’t know. I think we’re going to try to go hiking again tomorrow. Oh! Or go fishing. There was this lake we came across. It would be perfect. You’re more than welcome to join us.”
I laughed again and just as loudly as the first time. “No.”
“Then I guess Tanner’s going to skip, too,” Kyler replied blithely.
Tanner shot him a look that should’ve knocked him flat on his ass, but Kyler chuckled as he tossed his bottle in the trashcan on the deck.
I could feel Syd’s gaze on me, and whatever relaxation I’d gained faded as the muscles along the back of my neck tightened. She had been trying to get me to talk about what had gone down between Tanner and me while they’d been camping, but my mouth was shut. No way was I talking about any of that while I was still stuck in this stupid cabin and I was likely to lose my shit. “He can do whatever he wants,” I announced.
Tanner’s arms folded across his chest and his biceps stretched the sleeves of his shirt in a way that should’ve been indecent. “Thanks, Andy, for reminding everyone that I can do what I want.”
I snorted. “You’re welcome. That’s what I’m here for.”
“To point out the obvious?” he replied.
“Oh dear,” Syd murmured under her breath.
A wide smile tugged at my lips as I fastened my gaze on Tanner’s handsome face. Now this I could deal with. The smartass Tanner. That was who I was familiar with. Not the sweet and charming Tanner who made me think that I was different—that we were different—before painfully reminding me that in fact nothing was any different. “Well, if I don’t do it, who will?”
Tanner arched a brow. “No one else?”
I shrugged a shoulder. “Whatever. I’m getting another drink.” I glanced at Kyler. “Want one while I’m up?”
He opened his mouth, but I saw his eyes shoot to where Syd sat. “No. Thank you.”
There was most definitely something up with that, but I didn’t care. Swinging my legs off the lounge, I stood. And then I wobbled.
“You sure you should have another?” Tanner asked, stepping forward.
I shot him a nasty look. “Did I ask you for your opinion?”
“No. But I’m going to give it to you.”
A very unattractive snicker came out of my mouth. “I bet you’re going to try.”
“Um,” Kyler said.
Tanner’s jaw flexed, but before he could reply, I volleyed back at him. “But again, not something I’m interested in.”
Understanding flared in his eyes, and he barked out a short, dry laugh as he turned his head to the side. “Yeah, you know, that’s the funny thing about my opinions. You usually just ignore them because you know they’re right.”
“I don’t understand what is happening,” Syd said under her breath.
“You know what else is funny?” I asked sweetly as I dropped the bottle in the trash.
“What?” He looked bored.
Meeting his gaze, I raised my right hand…and my middle finger. “This.”
“Oh. Wow,” he said. “Keeping it classy, I see.”
My eye-roll was so powerful, I thought my eyeballs would roll back in my head, never to be seen again. “Oh, whatever. My middle finger offends you when every other word out of your mouth is ‘fuck?’”
“She has a point,” Kyler commented.
I bestowed him with an awesome smile. “Thank you.”
“Don’t encourage her,” muttered Tanner.
Choosing to ignore him, I turned and headed for the door. I walked inside, and not once did I stumble, so Tanner could kiss it.
My cheeks flushed with that thought. Okay. No kissing of anything, even though I liked the kissing. He was so damn good at it.
The bottles jangled so prettily when I opened the fridge door that I wanted to do a little dance in tandem with the tune. I grabbed a beer and made a mental note to head to town tomorrow for more. I had a feeling I was going to need a twelve-pack to get through the rest of this trip. Maybe a forty-pack. Did they make forty-packs? God, I so hoped so.
Shit, I just needed a keg.
Screwing off the cap, I flipped it onto the counter with a sigh and watched it spin dizzily across the granite. As I stood there, the bottle cool in my hand, I struggled to put a name to the cause of the restlessness crawling across my skin. It wasn’t just Tanner. God, it was never just one thing. It was always a bag of stupid crap that had me feeling this way.
All day I’d been stressing over a lot of things—the phone call with my mom, going back home, being stuck in life when everyone else was moving on, and of course, what was going on with Tanner. And for some reason, I started thinking about what I’d said the first night with Tanner, about how I felt when I’d been going down on Tanner. Had I been forced before? None of the guys had pressured me. I’d gone home willingly with all of them, but had gone under the impression they were expecting something from me. After all, why else would they be taking me home? That pressure… God, it was inside me. Nothing they had done that I could recall. But it was me. I’d felt that pressure to do it, to avoid the actual sex, because why else would they be with me?
Why else had Tanner been so nice to me? He’d obviously wanted some and he’d gotten some. He hadn’t even really had to work for it. I’d just handed it right over.