“She is, but she’s strong, Alyssa. Don’t let her size fool you,” Donald told his daughter.
“You’re a grandpa,” Alyssa said. Her poor parents; they must be so worried, too.
“I sure am. I already passed out a whole box of cigars.”
“A baby girl.” Teresa sighed with wonder.
“Is someone with her?” Alyssa asked. “I don’t want her to be alone.” As her panic rose, her heart monitor began beeping.
“There’s someone with her at all times,” Teresa said, patting Alyssa’s hand, trying to calm her daughter back down.
“No, Mama. Not strangers. She needs her family so she knows she’s loved. So she knows she needs to fight.”
“I just came from there, Alyssa. I’ll go back right now,” Jackson said as he moved to her side and leaned down. “I’ll take care of her.” It didn’t occur to him to think he wasn’t family.
Alyssa looked into his eyes and wanted desperately to tell him not to let their daughter die. She needed to tell him this was his child he had to protect. But he leaned down, gently caressed her lips with his, then walked out of the room.
The moment was gone.
Exhaustion pulled her back into a restless sleep as her body fought to be strong again. Fought to heal so she could be the mother she needed to be.
Two weeks had passed, and each day Alyssa grew stronger. The physical therapy was hell, but she was doing it. Whatever they asked of her, she accomplished it, even when tears poured down her cheeks. There was nothing she wouldn’t do to be able to be with her daughter.
Because of the flu she’d picked up on top of her injuries, she hadn’t been able to visit the NICU yet. It killed her a little bit more each day.
Her daughter was now almost three pounds, and though she was unbearably tiny, the doctors assured Alyssa that she was doing exceptionally well. Once the baby reached four and a half pounds, if she was healthy and eating, her mother would be able to take her home.
Alyssa wasn’t sure whether she was ready for that. What if something went wrong? At least here she knew there was a competent staff to care for her child. At home, it would just be her. That was more frightening than she cared to admit.
Dr. Jarvis, her neonatologist, walked into the room. “Good morning, Alyssa.”
“Morning,” she mumbled back.
“I know this has been a rough haul for you, but you have every reason to smile today, because we are releasing you.”
It took a few seconds for his words to sink in, and then Alyssa went from melancholy to hopeful in a heartbeat.
“Does that mean I get to see my daughter?” That was all she wanted.
“Yes, it does. Your flu is gone, your injuries are healing nicely, and your strength is back up. I want you to take it easy over the next couple of weeks, with no work for at least another month, but other than that you are free to go home. By the time your daughter is released, you should be in nearly perfect condition, so it will be no problem to care for her.”
“I just want to be with her.” Alyssa moved impatiently on her bed.
“I know. You’ve been more than patient. I’ll have the nurse come in and unhook these monitors, and then, after you’re dressed, we can have someone wheel you to your daughter. You can call whoever is picking you up to come and get you when your visit is over.”
Alyssa hadn’t thought about that. She didn’t want to leave her daughter. Yes, she wanted out of this bed, and wanted these wires to be yanked from her arm, but she couldn’t leave her baby behind. All her excitement at the prospect of finally seeing her daughter was tainted by the trauma of having to leave her.
“Thank you,” she said, trying not to show her depression.
After the doctor left the room, it didn’t take long for a nurse to come in, give Alyssa papers to sign, and lay out her clothes. Alyssa’s parents weren’t there, and she didn’t want to call them yet, so she dressed slowly, amazed by how much energy it took just to put on a pair of sweats and a shirt. This recovery might take a little longer than she wanted it to.
“Are you ready to meet your little princess?”
Alyssa gave the nurse a genuine smile.
“I’m way past ready.”
She was wheeled from her room for the final time, and not at all bummed to see the last of it. The room was beautiful, and the bed comfortable, but when someone was constantly coming in and drawing blood, or administering drugs, or checking your vital signs, it was impossible to get any decent sleep. She wished she could be home. Not that she really knew where home was anymore.
It wasn’t with Jackson. That had been only a temporary solution. Her apartment was ready, but it was empty, and to be alone was not what she wanted at all right now. She needed people around her to keep her spirits up.
“Here’s baby Gerard,” the nurse said when they arrived at the neonatal ICU, and Alyssa’s eyes filled with tears as she got her first look at her daughter. The infant lay in a tiny incubator, which kept her safe and helped ensure that she continued to live.
“Oh, she’s even smaller than I pictured,” Alyssa exclaimed. She reached into the small side vent and touched the tiny fingers of her beautiful baby girl.
One of her fingers completely covered her daughter’s hand, making it disappear. How could Alyssa even hold her? She would surely break the precious child in two. How was it possible that her daughter could be so small and still be okay?
A little mask covered the baby’s eyes, and the tubes sticking from her small body looked so out of place. Something so beautiful, so perfect, shouldn’t have to struggle to live. It was heartbreaking.
“Now you can give her a name.”
Alyssa smiled at the nurse before the woman left her alone to bond with her daughter. She had decided not to name the baby until she saw her. She said she wouldn’t know her name until she looked into her tiny face.
“Angel. Your name is Angel,” she whispered without hesitation.
“That’s because she’s a miracle.”
Alyssa turned to find Jackson standing behind her, gazing down at their daughter with such a look of pure love in his eyes that Alyssa knew she couldn’t keep the truth from him any longer.
He’d been at the hospital every single day, had visited with their daughter and filled Alyssa in on every milestone, no matter how small. He’d actually been the first person besides the medical staff who’d held Angel. The words had been on the tip of her tongue a hundred times—thousands of times, even—and yet she hadn’t told him yet that Angel was his little girl.